#1
could you guys give some feed back to this piece please?
its not really finished and i know i need to alter some pats but wanna get a general opinion thanks!

that girl

you come into my life in the blink of an eye
my heart did take flight for this beauty in sight
i chased you for so long with a feeling so strong
just wanted to know your name
you drove me insane

chorus
ive taken some knock backs
ive taken some hits
ive been invinsible baby and ive been in bits

one night we started to talk
later that evening took a moonlit walk
started to date and it felt so good
time stood still when i was with you

chorus


sometimes things dont workout
hearts get brocken here comes the blackout
it hurts when i see you with that other guy
it aint like the movies my throut goes tight

ive taken some knockbacks
ive taken some hits
ive been invinsible baby
and ive been in bits
but im still, YES IM STILL A BELIEVER!
#3
just reading this is fun, without knowing the music. It's very rythmic, and I think that's a pretty big accomplishment, when it's nothing more than text yet. good job
#4
Yeh it sounds really rythmic, in all honestly it sounds tad bit cliche , time stands still, jelous about other guys, if you must say these things maybe say it in a more metaphorical or different way. Also the cliches make it sounds very pop orientated, maybe thats wat ur going for. please crit mine: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=434531
"Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss, your eyes will get sore after a while."
#5
It's good, but it doesn't really leave much to the imagination, not much imagery really, but hey, if that's what you're going for... Like the guy above said, good lyrics for a pop song, and they are very easily interperated, although only in one way, and when I listen to a song I like to work out my own meaning to it....

The best line is:

"My heart did take flight for this beauty in sight"

That's great. Really loving it. But apart from that it's a bit plain really. Sorry.

Please crit mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=434149
#6
cheers your right , to be honest i wrote the last 2 verses 2 minuites before posting it so i admit it is a bit sketchy. yea its probably ment to be a bright acoustic song!