#1
Again this probably sucks... but I've looked at the hints and tips bit, and Im gonna persist until Brokenkingdom gives me some good crit

(Light Intro)

Nefarious mindset
Sardonic grin,
Push care away
and launch straight in

For the kill...

(Distortion kicks in)

I await your onslaught....

Detached from care
No emotion to speak of
You attack in an attempt
to defile me

A violent paroxysm
Your warped amusment
My cataclism
A swift coercion

I will not bend to your wrath,
and I will not obey you
For I am not your slave
and you are not my master...

Uncompliant to your will
I am antithetic to all you know
I am one you cannot kill
You despise that...

(Music Cuts, Spoken not sung)

and wouldnt you just love it...
if you could take my soul
leave me blank and empty
all but whole....

(back into distortion)

I will not bend to your wrath,
and I will not obey you
For I am not your slave
and you are not my master...

(end)

Still some bits im not really totally happy with...
but I think i did better than last time.
Last edited by Orkin at Sep 17, 2006,
#2
Its pretty good! Though, some parts sound a little bit unoriginal like the spoken part..
But its a good start
#3
Yeah, that was one of the bits I was unsure of.... I'll see what I can change it to.
#6
In my opinion there's too many big words... it seems like you're trying to make it sound cooler by having big words... But it might just be the way you talk so sorry if I insulted you :/