#1
what do you think?:

walk along this light of mine,
catch it as it passes away,
take a look at your life,
are you feeling satisfied?

I can't be here anymore,
watch it as it passes away again,
as I go through the door,
you won't see me anymore

Watch your back this time,
and don't you dare shed a tear,
yes I really must go,
get away my dear

I can't be here anymore,
watch it as it passes away again,
as I go through the door,
you won't see me anymore,
you won't see me,
you won't see me anymore,
you won't see me,
you won't see me anymore,
I can't be here anymore,
watch it as it passes away again,
as I go through the door,
you won't see me anymore.
"there is a man...
playing a violin...
and the strings...
are the veins in his own arm."
#2
You know what I've noticed a lot, is that so many of the songs are in the same format, fur lines a stanza nice little ryhme scheme, you know. Nothing suprising, catchy. Im not saying I'm not guilty, in fact thank you for helping me realise this, and I'm also going to try stop. As for the actualy lyrics I've never really enjoyed the whle not wanting to live theme but i think you pulled it off, if you could reformat the song it would be golden. Crit mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=434531
"Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss, your eyes will get sore after a while."
#3
haha, yeah I guess you're right. but I suppose that if you NEED lyrics right away that's the best way to go
"there is a man...
playing a violin...
and the strings...
are the veins in his own arm."
#4
Isn't there a Beatles song called you won't see me? Oh well, this was sort of cliche it seemd. It just didn't do anything for me, like it was almost boring because there jsut wasn't any depth or anything to it. As JD up there said, the whole "not wanting to live" theme just doesn't do anything for me. If you spiced it up a little bit, maybe it would then. But as for the song, the last little bit was the best part. It was stellar. 7/10. Crit mine? The links in me sig.
If The Archers Bows Have Broken, Then I Hope To God They Know How To Fight.