#1
all done, lemme know what u think

how does it feel,
to know you're right again,
look 'cross the field,
crying out for him,
feeling cold and alone,
despite the warmest friend,
guards are high this time,
looking after them,
not this time

expect the best each time,
but hoping for the worst,
impressing hem with lies,
truth's beneath the dirt,
breaking ties that bind,
this is the deadly curse,
praying they won't find,
the evidence that burns,
not this time

no longer will it matter to me what you do,
no longer will it matter to me what you say,
no longer will it matter to me what you think,
no longer will it matter to me,

Sitting late at night,
waiting for the sun,
hoping this new rise,
will bring the peace you yearn,
cross your t's dot your i's,
writing notes for fun,
all eyes up front,
to see the only one,
Not this time,

No longer will it matter to me what you do,
no longer will it matter to me what you say,
no longer will it matter to me what you think,
no longer will it matter to me.
"there is a man...
playing a violin...
and the strings...
are the veins in his own arm."
Last edited by not_enough at Sep 19, 2006,
#2
I like the 2nd verse. Here's what I think you should do with the chorus.

Something like:

no longer will it matter to me what you do,
no longer will it matter to me what you say
no longer will it matter to me what you think

Something like that, ya know, some **** you message.
Close your eyes and bow your head
I need a little sympathy
Cause fear is strong and love's for everyone
Who isn't me


LAUFER
#3
hey, thx a lot, that helped a bunch
"there is a man...
playing a violin...
and the strings...
are the veins in his own arm."
#4
I finished it lemme know what u think now
"there is a man...
playing a violin...
and the strings...
are the veins in his own arm."
#5
I really liked it.. Nice rhyme scheme.. and it flowed very nicely 2nd verse was VERY nice.. almost perfect i would say.. (cause nothins perfect ) i give it a 8.5/10.. crit mine? It's in my sig.. "RegreT"
#6
Nice job man. I like it.
Close your eyes and bow your head
I need a little sympathy
Cause fear is strong and love's for everyone
Who isn't me


LAUFER