#1
Bezique

How do you obey what the children say?
Pedestrians on the skeleton walkway
Am I making another hesitant mistake?
I watch you stutter and shake
There?s more to life than being alive
There?s more to six than five

And we all feel the ending begin
A silent place to sin
A world made just
To get us used to the spin
And take hold
Breathing out to soften the glow
Fire, and let the feeling flow

Why do they run to the light from the dark?
They should know its only A?s and arcs
So don't start
Your watching this to break my heart

Just read between the lines
One part paradise
Two part sacrifice
You are the new vice
Vindictive is a vignette
Of what you are; virago
I want bezique and she wants poker
(And I swear I don?t provoke her)
A new rhyme for the night time
A parting of the truth

It's just a self exploration
Into the darker motivations
Its more practical than patience
And I worry you don't see it

These people aren't mephitic enough
To hate the ?like? in love
Aforementioned to the reason above
Because it's better to be battered and bruised, among the neon fuse
Than to run, ripped into two;
Religiously anew
Fake and untrue
Me and not you

So why did you run from the light to the dark
Can't you see this is a specialist art
So don't start
You done all this to break my heart

But why do I speak in crosses in knots
Pretending this isn't what I want
Please don?t stop
Your all that?s keeping the beat in my heart
Keeping the beat in my heart
www.freewebs.com/silentproject
#2
That was really good mate. I think it got really strong when you started ignoring the waspish rhyme scheme you selected at the beginning, excluding the tasty free-rhyming:

I want bezique and she wants poker
(And I swear I don?t provoke her)

Brilliant two lines there.

Good job, the beginning stanza is a tiny bit iffy because of the rhyme scheme, I suggest rewriting that stanza and making it say what you really want it to say with better flow and ignoring the rhyme scheme.

Thanks for the comment.
#3
I like this. The first stanza is pretty iffy but the rest is very good.

To get us used to the spin
And take hold
Breathing out to soften the glow
Fire, and let the feeling flow

Best line in the whole song IMO.
#4
Thanks guys. I pretty much feel the same ad I'm working on the first stanza

www.freewebs.com/silentproject