#1
Expression forms the teardrops.
Each kiss from your jewel box.

Reminds me of the starlight.

A picking of this line,
remembers the time.

One vivid afterlife.

Lives in eternal,
Bleeds its infernal,
meteor shower fright

Save me I cried.

Love's mouth in soft eyes.
Conjures up all of the filfthy lies.

Give yourself some room.
Go devise your potion soon.

Pre-chorus: For anybody who,
Used to know you.

Chorus: Lip kiss, throw everything to the abyss. 3 x's

Fast, psychodelic type song. Crit for crit
#2
Humor me, here. Take any music you may have written, take these lyrics, and slow them way, way, WAAAYY frickin' down. As slow as you can go without being boring. 'Cause when I read this, I thought 'man, that would be really cool as a super-slow jam.' I like the poetry of the lyrics, though, dude.
#3
"Lives in eternal,
Bleeds its infernal,
meteor shower fright"

I thought that was weak and kind of boring.

"Give yourself some room.
Go devise your potion soon."

Same thing for that couplet.

and the second line of the chorus fits into the above as well.

But the rest of hte lyrics i enjoyed a lot. You started to stray from your not exact rhymes and i feel when you did that the piece really went down hill.
Can you see in the dark? Can you see the look on your face?
#4
Well, if you would go and listen to Jeff Buckley's song "Vancouver," you could kind of see the direction I was taking in writing the song. At least it was partially. Thanks for your comments though, much thanks.