#1
here's a song i wrote called isle of view.. note the double meaning in the title.. it's an acoustic song, kinda has a feel of the foo fighters acoustic album.. im sort of new to songwriting so any comments are appreciated.

also the third verse needs work.. its probably the weak point in the song.

cheers.

Isle Of View

V1

I would follow you forever
If you'd only stay
I would do anything for you
If you only stay
I never thought you would get up and leave
Yes I dread the day
I would follow you forever
A million miles away

V2

When that look gets in your eyes
I know that it's the end
I'm hoping against reality
You don't see through my disguise
All those things we did together
And all those things I said
Everything I ever told you
It was all pretend

Ch

They say dreams are free
But this is costing me
What are you trying to be?
Let go
Be free

V3

Beautiful people pray perfection
I see you on your knees
You whistled your way out of my life
Like a summer breeze
You know I want you back now darling
I know you love to torment me
I will do anything for you
But please don't make me plead

Ch again x2 then instrumental

Final Chorus

They say dreams are free
But this is costing me
who are you trying to be?
Can you?
See me?


please crit, anything is helpful...
Last edited by supaman_63 at Sep 19, 2006,
#2
Looks great. Don't really know how it would come out but, as a general view, people these days don't appreciate meaning in lyrics. I admit some will but most rather have a good beat. However I'd say overall this seems good. The variation in words help a lot. In comparison to many songs where the song is about 4 minutes long and has only a verse and a chorus that's played over and over like a retarded dance track.

About the song I'm no professional but maybe a couple of points here and there, aye?

"Beautiful people pray perfection" (I don't really know how this is aimed at who and what but maybe pray replaced with 'preach of' or something like. Puts a stronger point and makes it more memoriable.)

"You whistled your way out of my life
Like a summer breeze" ( I like this section but 'whistled', its ok but maybe replacing it with a better word? No suggestions there but judging from the previous verses, you seem capable of editing =). )

"You know I want you back now darling
I know you love to torment me
I will do anything for you
But please don't make me plead" (Section's really the best part. Put a lot of thought into this? Although its common, replacing 'will' with 'would' helps people remember your lyrics easier when you do start singing it.)

Lastly, Good job =)
Can't Spell Funeral Without F-U-N.
#3
Were you inspired by someone to write this song, or were you just going along with the whole romance theme? I think it sounds a bit impersonal, but if its from an experience, I take that all back.

I think V3 is quite weak...here's what I'd do..

Beautiful people pray perfection < I think this should be pray for, or like the person above said, preach of.
I see you on your knees
You whistled your way out of my life < I also agree with the above, whistled, not really something you'd hear in a song much, consider changing? I'm not an expert though.
Like a summer breeze
You know I want you back now darling
I know you love to torment me
I will do anything for you < Would not will, easier to hear/define, easier to remember, general rule of thumb I have been told.
But please don't make me plead

Other than that I think it's pretty alright, especially if you haven't had much experience. I'm no expert at all though, it's pretty well done.
hi. i'm blake, and yes, i am a girl.
Last edited by GuitarxGirl at Sep 18, 2006,
#4
well off the bat please fix the title. you aren't allowed to put * pelase crit* in it. secondly


It's a little choppy. The flow is off. And the lyrics are pretty predicatble. Very similar things have been said in a very similar word choice and style. Nothing really stuck out as brilliant to me though. It's tough to write about something like this and not sound boring/cheap/cliche.
Can you see in the dark? Can you see the look on your face?
#5
it's always hard to get a non cheesy song with romance, i wrote this after being dumped.. so yeah

thanks for the tips, ill look into those

cheers
#6
Quote by supaman_63
it's always hard to get a non cheesy song with romance, i wrote this after being dumped.. so yeah

thanks for the tips, ill look into those

cheers


I think its ok to have a bit of a cheesy predictable song. Tried and tested formulas always pull through. Maybe the title needs changing but I think its unique and relatively unheard of. As in I highly doubt anyone would choose that title for a song about romance.

Don't worry about it beening too cheesy or anything. Its the outcome that changes the process. Not every war can be fought the same way with the same results. So really, all about how you build your tunes and beats that determines how it will be received by people. Good luck with that.
Can't Spell Funeral Without F-U-N.