#1
me and the rest of my band have just started working on original material. This is the first song I've ever writting. It's supposed to be a very fast moving punk-rock song based around power chords. It's about (obviously) getting pissed and what effect it has on me.

crit 4 crit?

<Intro>

I ran around the lawn not knowing what I'm doing,
But I guess being wasted is no excuse,
please tell me what to do,
Please tell me who to do.

And now I realise I'm not gonna be young forever,
So I might as well spend my time doing what I love to do,
And that's getting wasted,
wasted!

I've got an extreme case of apathy,
No idea what alchohol has done to me,
Yeah, being wasted has this effect on me,
I'm pissed out of my mind.

<middle section>


And now I realise I'm not gonna be young forever,
So I might as well spend my time doing what I love to do,
And that's getting wasted,
wasted!

<guitar solo>

I've got an extreme case of apathy,
No idea what alchohol has done to me,
Yeah, being wasted has this effect on me,
I'm pissed out of my mind.

Wasted,
yeah I'm wasted,
Getting wasted,
Wasted,
wasted,
wasted,
wasted.

<Bass solo/ outro>
#2
A punk song about being drunk called wasted? Ever heard 'Wasted' by T.S.O.L? Oh dear.
Im a Sometimes food.

Quote by platypus
sorry if i seem racist, but i just love it when a white dude bashes a negro.
#3
Im gonna sound like a noob here but what does Crit 4 Crit mean?

Does it have to do with critique'ing or is it like the World of Warcraft term of critical damage?
#4
ha ha, it means look at mine and I'll look at yours. In the most boring way possible.
Im a Sometimes food.

Quote by platypus
sorry if i seem racist, but i just love it when a white dude bashes a negro.
Last edited by cashew nut at Sep 18, 2006,
#6
thats pretty good, i figure its about 2.5 min long right? cant really crit much,hard to go wrong on a punk song, lyrics are good...makes a good party song. My post titled "strongest man alive" is just above this one.A crit would be apreciated.
#7
<Intro>

I ran around the lawn not knowing what I'm doing,
But I guess being wasted is no excuse,
please tell me what to do,
Please tell me who to do.

No flow really, and pretty lame lyrics, but I guess if this is a punk song set to some catchy powerchords or something it will make up for it.

And now I realise I'm not gonna be young forever,
So I might as well spend my time doing what I love to do,
And that's getting wasted,
wasted!
Well, it conveys your message. I'm not too impressed with the wording, though.

I've got an extreme case of apathy,
No idea what alchohol has done to me,
Yeah, being wasted has this effect on me,
I'm pissed out of my mind.

Probably the strongest stanza out of the entire piece, but that's not saying much. This is still pretty weak, and the "I'm pissed out of my mind" line is very cliche. In fact, this entire piece is cliche.

If your band is punk, it should make decent lyrics for a song. Just make sure the musical part is good, and you could turn this into a fun song. Don't expect to change the world with amazingly deep, philisophical words anytime soon.

If you want to write really deep lyrics that have a lot of meaning, I'd be happy to help you. Email me or PM me, and I'll send you some tips. To be honest, I started out writing stuff like this. The most important thing is to enjoy writing. If you enjoy writing, you're pretty much guaranteed to get better, because everything gets better with practice. So, if you're interested, I'd be happy to give you some advice and help you get better.

Would you mind critting one from my sig? Take your pick, I honestly don't care.