#1
This is one of my first works .. It's been edited once but it can probably use some work. The song is about an experience I had earlier this year. I was driving home (from my Grandparent's house) and took a wrong turn. After about 15 minutes I realized I wasn't where I was supposed to be and was about to turn around. However, I got caught up in it's beauty and just tacked 30 minutes onto my route to experience it .. if you've ever been through Chippewa County you will know what I'm talking about. Anyways, this little song is specifically about a little roadside stop I made to consult my map. Fortunately I glanced out the window and saw .. three rocks in a stream.

Please feel free to critique. If it sucks, go ahead and tell me but PLEASE include why it sucks. If its great, cool .. but tell my why it's great. I'll consider all recommendations and comments, and if people leave a link I'll be glad to "critique back" anything you have posted.

With that said, here we go .. played on an acousic guitar, a slow bass in the background.

Intro
Verse 1

I was driving through ole Chippewa county,
Pulled over to gaze and see
Three rocks all covered in mossy green downy,
Sitting there in midstream,
And the water rip-roarin' issued its wild decree!

Chorus

It sang of sweet solitude
Lonesome nature and truth
My world suddenly construed
Gone were all mans untruths


Instrumental/Solo
Verse 2

Uncern'ties 'bout life and where the future will lead
I stood there and pondered
And suddenly it came to me - my lifes basic creed
You must hold yourself up,
And never be afraid to see the wonders,
And beauty of rocks in a stream

Chorus

You must hold yourself up,
And never be 'fraid to see the beauty of rocks in a stream

Chours

Outro
#2
Love the archaic feel it's got to it. It's simple and gets it's point across. I may actually return you a crit tomorrow, you have, after all, earnt it. But yeah, I liked that, a lot.
"You can never quarantine the past."
#3
Quote by Herr Jones


With that said, here we go .. played on an acousic guitar, a slow bass in the background.


I thought exactly the same thing after I finished reading it.

Its got a Johnny Cash feel to it - a description of rough, pioneering beauty. Reminds me of a Neruda poem too.


I was driving through ole Chippewa county,
Pulled over to gaze and see
Three rocks all covered in mossy green downy,
Sitting there in midstream,
And the water rip-roarin' issued its wild decree!


For some reason, I imagine this being played to a tune similar to "I've been everywhere, man".

Well written. Good flow, good imagery.



It sang of sweet solitude
Lonesome nature and truth
My world suddenly construed
Gone were all mans untruthsQUOTE]

This is just beautiful. Simple, but hammers the message home.

Uncern'ties 'bout life and where the future will lead
I stood there and pondered
And suddenly it came to me - my lifes basic creed
You must hold yourself up,
And never be afraid to see the wonders,
And beauty of rocks in a stream


Again, amazing.


You must hold yourself up,
And never be 'fraid to see the beauty of rocks in a stream


Same here.
#4
Thanks, both of you, for your comments. I think nature is a very easy topic to relate to because most people have experienced it in some way. It's also helped that this was a real experience and it gave me that "passion" needed to write a song that actually has something in it besides nice rhyme and flow.

So once again, thanks for your comments.
#5
i loved it too, but sadly i have nothig to say about it that hasnt been said, ^ and ^^, as in no crit. So ill say i really liked reading it and ill look forward to more of youre stuff cause i do believe its the first i read from u...

plz crit mine: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=435875
#6
this was like reading a bob ross program

someone compared it to johnny cash- an apt description

good job
So turn off the lights cause it's night on the Sun....

if anything i say comes acrosss as pretentious, tell me what an asshole i am.
#7
I really liked this as it wasn't about like love or killling or politics but more indepth and emotional. Overall very well written but one thing is bugging me:

I was driving through ole Chippewa county,
Pulled over to gaze and see
Three rocks all covered in mossy green downy,
Sitting there in midstream,
And the water rip-roarin' issued its wild decree!

The last line doesn't really to fit, I would either add another line to make it have six lines and rearrange the rhyme scheme a bit, or just get rid of last line entirely.

In all honesty though this was pretty good, I liked it, I'd like to hear an mp3.
#8
I looked at that line long and hard in one of my edits, Angel Fires, and I can definitely see what you're saying. I'll probably re-edit this song at least once more before I consider it "finalized" so that line may go out the door or it may not. The idea behind that line is that it leads into the chorus. I'd have to find a new way of doing that which I may .. we'll see. In any case, thanks for pointing it out.

Thank you Amplify, I'll bookmark yours and post a critique within a day or so.

Thanks to loopdeloop, too, for the kind words. I'm no where near Johnny Cash but it's an incredibly flattering comparison.
#9
I liked it. Theres not much I can say that hasn't been said... Anyways, nice use of imagery throughout it. It has good flow and is something I think everyone can relate too. It actually kind of reminds me of my grandmothers old house. It was on 80 acres of land in the middle of Wisconson and had some beautiful streams and woods all around. Good job. Do you plan on doing a recording of it anytime soon?
#11
I just started fooling around with a guitar part for it today. Once I have that done I'll hopefully post up a rough draft, so to speak, and then gradually add in a bass line and maybe keyboard. It's a pain in the butt though because I'm a poor keyboardist and I hate writing bass lines. Toss in the lack of proper recording equipment and I'm never sure if it's worth the effort. Thanks for all the comments and critiques.

I'm still doing critique for critique so please add your two cents. I'll return something at least equal to the advice you gave - probably more. So if you leave a two sentence comment I'll do something like that. If you do a full critique I'll do one back.
#12
i think it's good, reminds me of John Prine if you've ever heard of him.
#13
nice work!. Rhythym, wise it reminded me of trapt an a little bit of cuontry.
Lyricly country . but its nice! The first verse was nice. But the second verse raelly gave me a hank william feeilng lol. The lyrics are nicely formed as well.. Thats all i have! lol nice song