#1
Bring me to my bends.
Take me to the corner.
End me.

Will i go straight..to the light.
Lets fight bitch im not rich.
Whos right? Who the hell is?
Take it with a hint of salt in the wound.
Meet me in the mountain valley where bottom touches dirt.

Bring it to the bend.
Fight the key stone.
End me.
#2
All these dark songs! Aren't any musicians (or poets?) happy?!

Quote by Ellron
Bring me to my bends.
Take me to the corner.
End me.
Well .. it kind of flows in an odd sort of way. I'm not really crazy about it for some reason though. It's kinda bland. I dunno, for the dark verse that I think this is supposed to be it just doesn't seem cold enough.

Will i go straight..to the light.
Lets fight bitch im not rich.
Whos right? Who the hell is?
Take it with a hint of salt in the wound.
Meet me in the mountain valley where bottom touches dirt.
I like some of this .. I hate some of this. The second line (Lets fight~) huh?! I don't see how it fits in. I sort of like the third line .. but I'm not sure it's necessary to throw hell in there. I personally think "Whos right? Really, who is?" sounds better, but its YOUR thoughts, not mine, that matter. I like the salt in the wound part. I'm not totally crazy about the last line, but it works.

Bring it to the bend.
Fight the key stone.
End me.
Similar complaints as the first line.


I think the biggest "issue" I have with this is that I, honestly, don't understand it. This could be because I'm a shallow nature lover who dabbles in music and doesn't really have many dark feelings, or it could be because it's not clear on whats being said. I just don't get what its about? Heartbreak? Bad breakup and you want her to "end" you (either literally or not?) I guess I don't really know what else to say .. it's hard to critique a piece when you don't know where its going or you can relate. That might this works biggest issue. Am I clear, or not really?

If you have time feel free to critique mine, it's in the sig. If not, oh well.
#3
i didn't really like it, but there was one line that stuck out:

Take it with a hint of salt in the wound

that's really good..

i don't know what 'bring me to my bends' is meant to mean, but i didnt really understand/get it.

like herr jones, i didnt like the dark undertones really and also didnt understand it really on the whole.
#5
Quote by Ellron
I made it up in .like 30 seconds.


it for surely shows. This piece is not nearly as good as the title "could" suggest. However, I do have to give you props on the title, and really the first two lines + (Take it with a hint of salt in the wound) I'd keep all of that for the next re-write and trash the rest.
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