#1
OK, so this is my first song, and written in about 10 minutes, and with no particular meter.
But anyway:

Spiralling Downward

Verse:
The last shred of hope,
Swallowed by the black hole of despair,
Does anyone want some sadness,
Cause I've got planty to spare,
The darkness is creeping,
Out from those inner-most thoughts,
The empowering colurs sucked away,
As within a battle is fought.

Chorus:
Spiralling downward,
The sky waves on its way past,
Spiralling downward,
While I watch hopelessly aghast.

Verse:
Light is repressed,
And the concealed bloodshed rages on,
But one side carries sticks,
The other a carpeting bomb,
The resistance is failing,
A last stand is mustered valiantly,
But all is now futile,
As the last pockets fall silently.

Chorus:
Spiralling downward,
The sky waves on its way past,
Spiralling downward,
While I watch hopelessly aghast.

Breakdown

Solo

Chorus:
Spiralling downward,
The sky waves on its way past,
Spiralling downward,
While I watch hopelessly aghast.

Spiralling downward,
The sky waves on its way past,
Spiralling downward,
While I watch hopelessly aghast.

Crit away...
#2
instead of spiralling, use like spinning or something. sounds more natural
#3
Looked good. The only thing I didnt like was the retition of the chorus towards the end. I dont think it needs to be done twice. Another verse perhaps?

Crit mine please. (Its sigged)
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"