#1
this is a song i thought of writing when me and my mate were driving through the dodgy part of town, the closest thing wellington has to a red light district, and i also drew inspiration from seeing wh ores while visiting london earlier this year. i felt i had to write something about a red light district, so here 'tis.. also any help with a new name 'the dodgy part of town' isn't great and i havn't thought of anything yet.. so any comments appreciated

btw, the first half of the song is acoustic and the second half is more heavy, it has a little riff thing repeated which sounds a little like 'wish you were here by pink floyd.

here it is..

I'm walking through the dodgy part of town
Late on Friday night
I get a lookout from
More then one bar fight.
A wink gone wrong
Can turn out in catastrophe
With a one night fling
From a long gone prosty

The road glistens red
In the street light glow
I walk away from a beckoning ho
Because everyone in these parts
Is a one night girl
Body like diamond, eyes like pearl.

I take a seat and think
About these girls of the world
Take a snort or a hit of drugs
See how the night unfurls
Icey blue eyes search me
Then I look away
I'm not in trhe mood, hun,
It's just not your day

You thought life would be easy
Handed out on a tray
But you're a no one,
You eat 'cause men pay to lay
These men aren't nothing special
Most have a wife at home
Got a well paying job
They're just looking for a blow

As I wait at a bus stop
And watch the flashing lights
My bus pulls up
And i leave the girls of the night
Go towards the city lights,
Pull a spoon out of my mouth
The metal gleams silver
As I drive away from the South
Last edited by supaman_63 at Sep 20, 2006,
#2
i like this song a lot

it envokes a lot of imagery, i get a very dark feeling from it right from the beginning. and it carries throughout. I like the details about the everynight girl "body like a diamond, eyes like pearl.

I think if i could change anything about it i would just center it around a more concrete idea, like a more specified version i guess, because right as soon as you get hold of an idea it goes away. I understand what you were doing with the way you wrote it though.
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#4
the chorus is just the little guitar bit, i can tab it out if people want it but haven't really had the time. i thought about a vocal chorus but didnt want to ruin the flow of it... so i went with instrumental

cheers for the critique
#5
i liked it. nice use of detail. the ryhming is a little odd and out of beat, but i guess it depends on how it's sung. nice job.
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