#1
A lil' Closer

verse 1 (verse2)
G D Em C
You're stunning, no matter what you wear,
G D Em C
The gentle wind choose to blow your hair
G D Em C
Crea..tin' sparks up in the air
G D Em C
Standing here I wish you were near...


Chorus

G Em C D
Come a lil' closer, we'll exchange whispers
G Em C7 D
More than lame giggles, we've found what we're looking for
C7 D
All we need to do is to open our hearts'
C7 D C7 D G
door..........


verse 1 (verse2)

G D Em C
We bumped by, you showed you're shy
G D Em C
I gazed straight, into your eyes
G D Em C
You used to act cold, but then you said "hello"
G D Em C
i replied, "hi", and i am so high


Chorus

G Em C D
Come a lil' closer, we'll exchange whispers
G Em C7 D
More than lame giggles, we've found what we're looking for
C7 D
All we need to do is to open our hearts'
C7 D C7 D G
door..........


Bridge

F G Em
Are you taking the first move?
F G Em
Would you please make it obvious
F G Am
Forgive me for my ignorance


Above are my lyrics, i am considering the position of the verse, which one should be the first an which one should be the second , why?Also, i would appreciate any of your comments and opinions. If possible,i'd like to know how can i improve them. I am quite shallow with poetry-like elements in words.

Thanks,
#2
It's pretty good I don't see anything that needs improving. You can crit mine if you want it's called ''It's obvious''
With an irresistible blend of reggae induced hip-hop and catchy pop-punk hooks, Half Chance Heroes captivates audiences with their unique sound and energetic stage show. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8bSU0u8uvM
#4
Read the FAQ please.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#5
I think they're good lyrics - espacially as writing a nice song is 10 times as hard as writing a sad song. I'd suggest (if you want) that you put "You used to act shallow, then you said hello" - kind of a rhyme there. And swap the verses round, it makes the song more chronographically correct (ie. all in date/time order, you bump into the girl, you say hello, you tell her she's stunning, and tell her to come closer, and whisper to her, etc.)
#6
Thanks all!

Hello AtReyUfAn_247, i intended to sing a song to this girl,i hope she'll like d music too!

Hello culex-knight , idun understan what u 1 2 tell me?i cant find an faq in the page of the link.

Hello el_deano, i think what ur suggestions' reasoning are good, i will rearrange the veses!Maybe with "shallow" as well! Good 1!
Yea, i agree that writing sad songs are easier. I was inpired this time by this girl who elevated my mood from dullness to a pleasent level!