#1
hi im new here
this is my 1st song that i have even kinda liked...
i wrote it quick, so its definately rough
please give me some advice to help it work
thanks in advance

Walk With Me

Verse:
Walking through my past,
Seeing old memories,
And I think of the things,
That I meant to do.
That I should have done.

Strolling through the streets,
Long forgotten,
And I think of the people
That I used to know,
Now I don't.
But I remember you.

Chorus:
You should walk with me,
Discover me.
Together, we are like
Rivers and a lot of trees, you and me.
We are a forest so complete.
Just walk with me.

Verse:
We used to play together,
Oh so young.
And as we grew older,
We were still fun.
What happened to that?

Then you talked so fast.
Faster and faster.
Could you please slow down,
Cus I can't understand.

Chorus:
We're not in the past,
So long ago.
We are both so different,
Just forget this history, all said and done.
You've moved on, and so have I.
Just don't come back.

Verse:
Years have passed now,
And here you are.
You're no different,
But my feelings are.

I'm not better off now,
but it could be worse.
Just move on over,
We've done this before.

Outro: (slower pace)
I said don't come back,
I wont be hurt.
You now want
What we used to have,
But you gave that up.
Last edited by Kaos_ at Sep 20, 2006,
#2
its got some good potential, id like to hear the full version, instruments an all, oe thing though, wheres the chorus and all that? it is just a big verse. but that could be good if you do it well.
In/Rainbows
#3
Well this is your first song and It's not that bad but from now try to break your songs up into choruses and verses but other than that it's good
You can crit mine if you want it's called ''It's obvious'' It's somewhere in the forum
With an irresistible blend of reggae induced hip-hop and catchy pop-punk hooks, Half Chance Heroes captivates audiences with their unique sound and energetic stage show. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8bSU0u8uvM
#4
Wow very quick replies, and yeah, I will crit anybody who crits mine.

The chorus at 1st was the "You should walk with me...."

And the part that starts with "We're not in the past..." Should have kind of the same rhythm.

So, I will try to work with it more... the singer of our forming group is actually an english major who will be able to help with lyric writing a lot...

Thanks, and keep the crit coming
Last edited by Kaos_ at Sep 20, 2006,