#1
folk song i've been working on. Got writers block so thought i would post what i have. Crits welcome and of course i will return the favours. enjoy.

Deadly poison spews from your mouth
No one is hurt till the truth comes out
Lies and slander that's what its about
Help me out, go on and help me out

Why must you say these things
Isit vegeance for something that i did
Well i apologise, i repent for all my sins
Take it on the chin, take it on the chin
aint no angel gonna great me?
#2
short, so i'll refrain from being my lazy self and full crit

Deadly poison spews from your mouth
No one is hurt till the truth comes out
Lies and slander that's what its about
Help me out, go on and help me out decent wording here, nothing spectacular, but im sure it gets the job done

Why must you say these things
Is it vegeance for something that i did
Well i apologise, i repent for all my sins
Take it on the chin, take it on the chin i think this is alright, except for the last line which i dont get, youll have to explain, im slow... but i think you need to finish this and then ill get it more, cause im confused... i'd like more to read to tell wether i like the idea or not and to be able to give a better crit... but decent writing here so far...

could u plz look at mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=435875
#3
Deadly poison spews from your mouth
No one is hurt till the truth comes out
Lies and slander that's what its about
Help me out, go on and help me out
It flows well, but as AmplifySilence said it doesn't seem too spectacular. I'm not sure though, it may be a fine opener for whats to come. Either way it does set up what the rest of the song will be about. Lies, slander, etc. So in that way it accomplishes establishing "what" the piece is about.

Why must you say these things
Is it vegeance for something that i did
Well i apologise, i repent for all my sins
Take it on the chin, take it on the chin
Hmm, interesting. This doesn't seem too deep either, but it does flow well. The "Repent for all my sins" line is a little cliche .. but sometimes that works. I guess I'd have to see the rest. I like the last line (which means, for whoever wondered, to just take the bad things that come at you without whining and keep on truckin').


I think my biggest question is the specifics of what this is about. Being an American who tries to stay in the middle I could see it relating to both political parties, but I can specifically see it coming from Bush directed at the people criticizing him. Maybe thats not what you intended, but thats what I interpreted. I like songs dealing with current issues and past issues .. any issues that matter, really, so I like the work because of that. All in all I think it's on the right path. What you need, I think, is something that will add a lot of depth and force a person to think and consider where they stand. In my opinion thats why Bob Dylan's music was so powerful - the words seemed simple but if you thought about it you were knocked over and had to say "Wow, is he right?"

Good work overall .. I'd like to see the finished version. If you have the time, critique mine, the link is in my signature.