I currently own a Fender strat...But, it's just not doin' it for me...So I decided to gather up some cash and ended up with about $800...Out of all of these which should I get? I like Nirvana, Alice in Chains, RATM, Soundgarden, Audioslave...I like some light rock but sometimes I like to use harmonics, I like a little bit of funk, and I want a nice crunchy sound without the guitar sounding like ****...Here are some I am interested in:

Gibson Les Paul Vintage Mahogany
Jackson DKMG Dinky
Fender '72 Telecaster Deluxe
Jackson DK2 Dinky
Fender '65 Mustang Reissue
Dean Dime-O-Flame
Fender Big Block Telecaster
Fender Jaguar Baritone Custom
I myself prefer the Jacksons but you can't go wrong with a Les Paul, especially a Gibson model. The baritone wouldn't be anything you'd want.
Of the bands you picked, the first thing that came to my mind was strat... You don't sound like your getting into any heavy metal at any time, but everything else a strat can cover pretty well. For 800 you can get one of the new highway 1's, or you can get an MIA, although i think its a little over your budget. Personally i'd get the mia, a nice Candy Apple Red with maple board and a white pickguard. I'd be all over that, but it's up to you.
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Well...I like AIC and old school Soundgarden...But I don't really like Metallica, Pantera, or anything like that...The only reason I wouldn't want a strat is because that's what I have now.
I'd say go with the Tele but play it first and I'm not sure which Tele is better check the specs on www.fender.com
Looking to buy a Fender Jagstang, u sellin?
Fender '72 Telecaster Deluxe

go for it

Cort EVL-K6 (White Pearl)
Fender CD-60
Jacksons are straight metal, so a no-no for you. Fender Tele deluxe sounds like something you might like.
Jackson DKMG & KE3, Fender Mexican Strat, Stagg Acoustic

Boss Compressor & Chorus, Dunlop Crybaby, Behringer Delay, ISP Decimator, Ibanez Tubescreamer

Laney TT50H, Marshall 1960A, Roland Cube 15

Looking to jam in Belfast, PM me!
what amp do you use? just in case you have a **** amp. but im guessing something with a floyd rose for the ratm, audioslave stuff since Tom love's to use it as well as many other effects
well, I have a bit of a suprise for you...for 800 you can EASILY cover Nirvana's sound...Kurk Cobain (or however you spell it) got everything in the lower brands..like he usd Squires, like a squier strat, the Boss DS-1 Distoriton Pedal...but...if $800 is WAY more than enough to get a good sound...If I were you, I would build A Frankenstrat Like Van halen...Get a Strat Blank Body...Put A GIbson PAF in the bridge position, and I would put some Fender Vintage Start Pickups in the Neck and middle, that way you get some nice Crunch...you keep that Signerature Strat sound....You get the best of Both worlds...