#1
Spinning minds come to a hault
as vapors whipser in silence
calm and overwelhming
darkness never seemed so bright
faded moons in the sky
shattered a moments lie

Chorus
Spinning minds come to a hault
as vapors whipser in silence
as it seem its all your fault
wrapping yourself in my violence

beating hearts, and temping minds
one seems so perfect but hard to find
mystic lies beneath the sun
all in a days work but no fun
patched up wounds still leave a scar

a reminder
a glimpse to the past
a breath into the future when days last

Chorus
Spinning minds come to a hault
as vapors whipser in silence
as it seems its all your fault
wrapping yourself in my violence

Break Down
bury yourself in your lies
bury your in your cries
a mark of insainity's plee
a spot of wounded's cry
pride blinds the ones thy love
losing but gaining your love
losing but gaining your enemys
conquer a mans heart
conquer thy man's soul
suffers in your past
suffering in your present
hurting
pain never rest
neither does you

Chorus
spinning minds come to a hault
as vapors whipser in silence.
as it seems its all your fault
wrapping yourself in my violence
#2
First verse set about a tone of thoughtfulness and silence, which I do tend to like. A few spelling errors, whipser, hault (halt) and overwelhming but they probably were just typos. I liked the darkness never seemed so bright, even if darkness is a very cliched word (see: love, baby, heart, broken, etc)

Didn't like the chorus too much, because I don't think you should have repeated the first lines.

Good rhyming on the verse following the chorus. But I would try to mix it up a little; AABBC rhyme schemes are tired. But the wording, especially in the first two lines was impressive.

Have to admit I enjoyed the bridge (?) before the chorus the most. Seemed like an afterthought, which for this song was a good tool to use.

Found the wording in the last verse way too overused. Bury yourself in your lies... I've heard that one constantly. Though I did certainly enjoy the "conquer a mans heart
/ conquer thy man's soul", it was thought provoking. Last two lines a bit forced, out of place though.

Would you crit my song? It's in my sig.