#1
i wrote this song today, please crit!!!


Even If you never look at me
You know that I will be
Waiting for the moment

That you finally put your eyes on me
And making me like
The world is on my shoulders

(chorus)
But if I fight to save my soul
Then we?ll never be back home
And now I?m choking on my own words
Cause my faith alone it's not enough

Now before I get too consumed
Like a hundred cigarettes
Lightened in the dark

I must try to deal with this
And finally become
(your) one and only lover

Cause this time I?ll Learn
From my mistakes and then realize
That the time is always sober

(chorus)

And this time I?ll Learn
From my mistakes and then realize
That the time is always sober
And waiting for the moment
That the world is on my shoulders
For us
...."this is what's best for me, for you, for us, or maybe just for me", i thought...
Last edited by FrancoSelf at Sep 22, 2006,
#3
thanx a lot, i'll check your song too

please crit!!!
...."this is what's best for me, for you, for us, or maybe just for me", i thought...
#4
I like it. The ending verse is awesome, I like the line "Now before I get too consumed
Like a hundred cigarettes, Lightened in the dark". Please don't change a thing, it's perfect.

If you feel like it , please crit mine. It's called Masquerade, thanks.
Cause I love feelin' dirty
And I love feelin' cheap
And I love it when you hurt me
So drive those staples deep
#5
Quote by nerk13
I like it. The ending verse is awesome, I like the line "Now before I get too consumed
Like a hundred cigarettes, Lightened in the dark". Please don't change a thing, it's perfect.

If you feel like it , please crit mine. It's called Masquerade, thanks.


thanx a lot!! any sugerence is welcome
...."this is what's best for me, for you, for us, or maybe just for me", i thought...
#6
anyone else?
...."this is what's best for me, for you, for us, or maybe just for me", i thought...