#1
This is a song I recently wrote. It's pretty straight forward, I have chords(etc) for it but I'm far to lazy to record(maybe later if good results)so I thought I'd post the lyrics to see what anyone thinks of it. Any advice will be well taken and thanks in advance:

Courage in the Knife

Have you ever turned away
Cause you couldn?t bear the mess you made
Cause tried to go back to the start
Because you broke another bleeding heart

Cause you wanted more than you could take,
Cause you took more than you could fake.
The lie you live is living too long
You push it out , you push it out it?s gone,

Its what you do to me, it?s how you make me feel,
Your empty stare pretends to be something real
You left me all alone and now I?m dealing with this pain
I push it out but I know I?ll never be the same

Plastic lips and candy eyes
Unwrapped and ready to surprise
Angel hair, halo necklace
Devils heart, she?s sweet and reckless

Cloudy nights and walks in the rain
Constant bliss and never-ending pain
My heart?s been bleeding too long
You pull it out, pull it out it?s gone

It's what you do to me, it?s how you make me feel
Transparent eyes always pretending to be real
Real is just a word, Fake?s a way of life
pills are for cowards, courage in the knife
Real is just a word, Fake?s your way of life
If I killed myself, would you hold the knife.
Would you hold the knife, Would you fake your life,
Would you hold the knife, Would you take my life.
...
#2
Wow.... I love your song! I really really wanna hear it. The flow and the rhyming is brilliant. Do you have any other work I could read? Cause this is awesome. The last verse has to be my favorite, well, I don't know... verse 2 was awesome too. Hell, it's all genius. I wouldn't change anything, it's a 10/10 definitely. Nice work!

Although it's not nearly as good as yours, would you mine critting mine? I mean, only if you feel like it. It's called Masquerade, thanks!
Cause I love feelin' dirty
And I love feelin' cheap
And I love it when you hurt me
So drive those staples deep
#3
This is great. Your rhyming fits very nicely and loosely at the same time. And by saying loosely, I mean that you give your words room to move around and intensify. Great job.
#4
its a nice song.enjoyed it alot. kept it simple..Chorus- Its what you do to me... is great.good job only thing I didnt like was using cause in the first 2 lines of the first 2 paragraphs...maybe try "and " on the 2nd lines, other than that i liked it.
Im working on a song titled "RAISING HELL" out later today or tomorrow, a crit would be appreciated...thanks
#6
Thanks for taking to time everyone, I hope to record it as soon as i buy a decent mic. As for now I'll work on looking at some of your stuff. Thanks again
...