#1
that second to last stanza looks a little like a gun but not really. a little more like a pointing finger


2:30 am, Walmart - Willimantic
I am
buying hangers and
a new waste basket
sleeping pills in my pants pocket
shake and snap and sound like tic tacs
I'm all cold toes and
noise-canceling headphones
I could tell you that I'm all alone
but why don't I tell you
something that you don't know?

the way you keep telling me no
no, no, no, no
makes me proud of you:
it's not what I'd want you to do

and now I'd like to tell you that I love you
and now I'd like to tell you that I hate you
but neither one is true
but neither one is true

I don't know if you knew
love dead like a crushed fly

for those of you who said you'd be interested in hearing my lyrics put to music- I started work on recording an album, if you get in touch with me pm or otherwise I'd be more than happy to fill you in
#2
I couldn't criticise much in this. It's direct yet swerves past the point. It's a great message in a lovely medium. Your linkage is delivered well and holds the whole piece together. The gun part was seemingly simple, but very clever.
Last edited by thepickups at Sep 23, 2006,