#1
OK i wrote these lyrics pretty fast and they're not perfect
Plz review and tell me wat u think

Kamakazi Solution

Fighting the pain and with nothing to lose
Might as well light that 3 second fuse
Take out the enemy to clear out the path
Trying to add to this bloody blood bath

Go out in honor to help save the day
People will remember you forever they say
Ultimate sacrifice for my name on a plaque
To be inside a coffin, forever in black

Chorus
But how can this war be the solution to peace
Violence and death, my life is for lease
Fighting for country but who gives a ****
War is forever, eternally stuck

The answer to peace just cant be this war
Not even sure what were fighting for
Everyone's trying to be the big hero
One random bullet, your demoted to zero

Chorus
But how can this war be the solution to peace
Violence and death, my life is for lease
Fighting for country but who gives a ****
War is forever, eternally stuck

So I might as well light that damn fuse
Take them all out, got nothing to lose
Blow myself to hell, time to give up
Remnants of me will fit in a cup

But I will go on to see the white light
Finally I?m off, I?m done with this fight
Pearly white ghost looks back at the scene
What I see makes me want to scream
Death and destruction are all that remain
In a world eternally insane
Last edited by Metalhead1991 at Nov 20, 2006,
#2
sorry to spam, but the title made me think this was related to suicidal solution :P
Member of the "Marty Friedman > You" Club. PM apocalypse13 or altronataku to join

Gear:

ESP LTD DV8-R
Squier SG (Specs Unknown)
Kustom KGA-10 Ten watt practice amp
Marshall TSL 602

My JEM Build
#3
It's really good, the rhyme scheme is good and the subject of the song is appropriate. One thing that I don't really like is the "bloody blood bath" bit, you need to use something else to describe the blood bath other than bloody. That's it. Maybe violent or spiteful or dreadful something along those lines. Thanks for my crit
#4
Very poignant lyrics but I agree that the title of the song makes it sound like its going to be about suicide, but OTOH it fits the story perfectly.

The answer to peace just cant be this war
Not even sure what were fighting for
Everyone?s trying to be the big hero
One random bullet, your demoted to zero


This verse in particular I thought was good.
Winners are those who refuse to be beaten

Imagination on a Screen

Please crit my latest work! Crit for crit of course.

Or hear my demo recordings at Myspace
Last edited by Pete Murray#1 at Oct 6, 2006,
#5
i really like the meaning of your song, its obviously not perfect and you have just a few things to tweak but you definitely have some talent for writing, thanks for my crit.
good job with your song
#6
thx for the crits guys
yeah i kno ther are at least a couple lines that arnt good mainly this one --> "Trying to add to this bloody blood bath" with the bloody blood part that definitely needs changin and also this line --> "Remnants of me will fit in a cup" which im surprised no one comented on becus i really dont like this line lol
also the title i dont like but i just came up with sumthin fast to put into the title of the thread
anyway thx u guys