#1
All through his life he stood tall
Walking onward to his new place at home
A fortress of fears and deliquent dreams

He wishes he wasn't at this point
This moment had to come
This moment the challenge the home

This man's man looks up and sees
He smiles a foolish grin for the ages
His story doesn't end here, for...

The flame he once held bright
It falls cold, and no longer tells a tale
The torch is carried on, for souls like his

Chorus:
This man, this dying prophet
Is held together by man's faith
This joke, this romantic
This man called virtue

I want to change the last line of the chorus. I haven't arranged this song yet, but i have started making chords for it. Please help me with that last line though.

Just another thought, I was thinking of changing the his and hims to her and changing virtue to Grace (just so i can mention my sister)
Last edited by beanage at Sep 23, 2006,
#2
Its okay. I'm not sure it would be a good idea to change genders in the song, though. I think it would be better without the gender change. Also, I don't see a rhyme scheme in your lyrics. As for the chorus, I can't think of anything. Maybe if it rhymed more I could. Sorry.
"Notes are expensive. . .use them wisely"-B.B. King

"It's been very important throughout my career that I've met all the guys I've copied, because at each stage they've said, 'Don't play like me, play like you."-Eric Clapton
#3
I dunno about rhyme scheme, I think it would ruin the feeling of the song, cause if you heard me playing it you';d cry, I know I almost cried. in other words, I fear change.
#5
Just because it's a song doesn't exactly mean it needs a rhyming scheme. If the lyrics were sung at a slow pace, you could get away with that as a very interesting lyric.

I really enjoyed:
"The flame he once held bright
It falls cold, and no longer tells a tale
The torch is carried on, for souls like his"

I can't explain it, but I find the lyrics strong in this verse.

Overall, not a bad lyric at all, I wouldn't touch the beginning of the chorus because I feel like it matches the song's "fading of a person" (or so it would seem). Keep it up
That's all I wanted to do as a kid. Play a guitar properly and jump around. But too many people got in the way. -Syd Barrett