#1
Written a long time ago,actually inspired by.....well take a guess,not hard really for any Metal head....if you guess it I'll mail it to you if you want it.

*******RAISING HELL***********

There was a fat black cat with white glaring eyes
and a halo around its head
And a long slick snake wrapped around a cross
keeping company to the dead
There was a grim reaper lerking in the back
holding deaths key in his hand
Then a large lightning bolt with a crack of thunder
began to shake the land

CHORUS
From out the ground he came
A belt buckle of rust
From out the ground he came
Raising hell with some dust...Dust!

By now a full moon rising high in the sky
all the warewolves screamed out loud
A stream of blood flowed from his lip and eye
as he stood up strong and proud
There were flames all around him burning his flesh
but he was immune to the pain
One thing on his mind,thinking of revenge
on those who drove him insane........CHORUS X 2

With his first breath he gave a primal yell
and stepped up from his grave
You could smell it in the air,it was all evil
he knew he had been saved
Resurrected from the dead to do the demons deed
he was obliged and wore a wrathful grin
Like a cowboys ride,he was the trusty steed
Let the manic onslaught begin

From out the ground he came
A belt buckle of rust
From out the ground he came
Raising hell with some dust...Dust!
#2
Wow, very cool. Great description of the Live After Death cover, the part about the black cat made me laugh and shout out "Maiden!" I think it'd be cool with a followup, to tell what he did on earth, maybe taking some inspiration from the covers of the future (a bit ironic choice of words, seeing as where he is on Somewhere in Time ^^ ) albums.
#3
WOW!!! That didnt take long,first guess.Its actually the flag of the "Live After Death"album cover....so if you want it ,its yours......more crits are welcomed and i'll crit back...
#4
Quote by LaLaLaLoopy
WOW!!! That didnt take long,first guess.Its actually the flag of the "Live After Death"album cover....so if you want it ,its yours......more crits are welcomed and i'll crit back...

Haha, well *points to usertitle and avatar*. It's quite easy for a Maidenfan :P.

Just a thought, wouldn't it be cool if you somehow worked the Lovecraft quote on the tombstone into the lyrics, even though it's already in The Thing That Should Not Be?
#5
Ya that might be cool, Ill have to think about writing a sequil...not sure if its wise cuz sequils are never as good and concidering how many crits this 1st one had ...maybe this one isnt all that good either unless your a Maiden fan. thanks for the crit though.
#6
Quote by LaLaLaLoopy
Ya that might be cool, Ill have to think about writing a sequil...not sure if its wise cuz sequils are never as good and concidering how many crits this 1st one had ...maybe this one isnt all that good either unless your a Maiden fan. thanks for the crit though.

Well, there's Back in the Village, 22 Acacia Avenue and the whole Seventh Son of a Seventh Son album .
#7
although short lyrically it approach of the matierial and then its use is just about spot on... most songs with this short line span tend to fall into da da da writing...like is it a banana is it a pair...is it a banana i dont care(bad example i know)...but this song out reaches those perameters and is very well written
#8
Quote by LaLaLaLoopy
..so if you want it ,its yours

Hm.. May I ask what you mean by this by the way?
#9
Quote by LaLaLaLoopy
Written a long time ago,actually inspired by.....well take a guess,not hard really for any Metal head....if you guess it I'll mail it to you if you want it.

*******RAISING HELL***********

There was a fat black cat with white glaring eyes
and a halo around its head
And a long slick snake wrapped around a cross
keeping company to the dead
There was a grim reaper lerking in the back
holding deaths key in his hand
Then a large lightning bolt with a crack of thunder
began to shake the land
I really like this, actually. I like the imagery, but I'm not sure what you're stating here. The "And a long slick snake wrapped around a cross, keeping company to the dead" is probably my favourite so far.

CHORUS
From out the ground he came
A belt buckle of rust
From out the ground he came
Raising hell with some dust...Dust!
Maybe it sounds good when sang with the extra dust, but from reading it, I don't like it.

By now a full moon rising high in the sky
all the warewolves screamed out loud
A stream of blood flowed from his lip and eye
as he stood up strong and proud
There were flames all around him burning his flesh
but he was immune to the pain
One thing on his mind,thinking of revenge
on those who drove him insane........
This reminds me too much of Halloween or some ****. It's okay, I liked the first verse a lot better. I don't like the "One thing on his mind, thinking of revenge on those who drove him insane". It'd be better if you said, "One thing on his mind, seeking revenge on those who drove him insane.
CHORUS X 2

With his first breath he gave a primal yell
and stepped up from his grave
You could smell it in the air,it was all evil
he knew he had been saved
Resurrected from the dead to do the demons deed
he was obliged and wore a wrathful grin
Like a cowboys ride,he was the trusty steed
Let the manic onslaught begin
I don't like "it was all evil" very much, and I don't understand from what he'd been saved. This is okay. I still like the first verse best.

From out the ground he came
A belt buckle of rust
From out the ground he came
Raising hell with some dust...Dust!


It's okay, the first verse was great, but it all went downhill from there, IMO.
Anyway, crit my song?
Blue Idle Hands,
link in sig.
#10
Quote by Sjusovaren
Hm.. May I ask what you mean by this by the way?


well,like i said this tune was inspired by a Maiden "flag" of the Live After Death cover
and you did guess /knew what this song was about so if you want the flag,Ill send it to you...I just need the info.....and thanks for the crits guys.
#11
Quote by LaLaLaLoopy
well,like i said this tune was inspired by a Maiden "flag" of the Live After Death cover
and you did guess /knew what this song was about so if you want the flag,Ill send it to you...I just need the info.....and thanks for the crits guys.

W00t? Seriously? :O