#1
I am 14 years old and have been playing guitar for about 5 months. I am also a drummer of 1 and half years. I am a very keen musician and and willing to be taught alot. Constructive criticism only.

I didnt write this song on any situation. I wasn't aiming for anything emo or whatever. This is just how i was feeling and the lyrics have meaning to me. Anyway please give some feedback.

I am the waves -


I can barely breath
this sickness, this disease
Lost in the ocean.
Water just waiting to break.

Chorus

I am the waves
Missing on the ocean floor
I thirst for the shore
I am the waves
You'll come to see

Underneath the cloak
lies personality
I keep on holding back even though its meant for me
I think ill find myself
Someday
Someway

Chorus
I am the waves
Lost on the ocean floor
I am a slave
A lion unable to roar
I am the waves
As you'll come to know
Last edited by hurricanefresh at Sep 24, 2006,
#2
Quote by hurricanefresh


I am the waves -
Ok, first off, read the rules and FAQs concerning thread titles.

I can barely breath You spelt breathe wrong.
this sickness, this disease
Lost in the ocean.
Water just waiting to break.
I actually liked the first three lines, i thought they were very well done, however the last line absolutely ruins the flow. For a start you've split them up with a full stop; for a song, never use full stops in the middle of a verse. You need to change the last line to something that will flow with the other three.
Chorus

I am the waves
Missing on the ocean floor
I thirst for the shore
I am the waves
You'll come to see
This was ok, nothing too "wow" or special.
Underneath the cloak
lies personality These first two lines don't really work, it's pretty cliched but it's not just that... it's quite hard to explain really but anyway.
I keep on holding back even though its meant for me
I think ill find myself
Someday
Someway
The whole of this stanza was pretty cliched really.
Chorus
I am the waves
Lost on the ocean floor
I am a slave
A lion unable to roar
I am the waves
As you'll come to know
This was a pretty good ending, but again, change the last line so it flows with the rest.


My lastest is in my sig if you feel like it.