#1
spinnin round in da clowd

It's darker than the black man smoking a bucket of coal
Through the filter of society and how ' If you don't stand up,
You will never get the chance to sit down.'
And it's scabbier than the nail varnish on the prostitute
Wearing stillettoes as curtain rails in a council flat,
Choosing aptness over a silk dress.

You will never start if you never move.
There was no chance since forever.

You will never end if you never stop.
There were chances since you opened your mouth,

Now it's phlegm clouds
Dropping stuff to make the dj's proud.

Call it 'spinning around in the crowd'.
#2
If you are white, please die, If this is rap, please die. Nver. Ever. Ever. Use the word "da" on UG. EVER
#4
Hmmm, StevieRamone, you make a good point. Did you read past the title, by any chance?

Once more... glenn? Conor? I forget.. any, once more, you probably have some deeper meaning to this, and me being me I'm not going to attempt to crack it. What I will say is it was another fine read, I think great imagery must be as easy as breathing to you because you always manage to impress me with that aspect of your writing.

And that's why your one of my favourite writers on here.

So, yeah, wooo. Sorry I can't help you once again, although there never usually is much to fault with your pieces. But, yknow, it's the thought thay counts right? If you could even just bump the piece in my sig, I would appreciate it

Jamie
#6
thanks.

it was probably my 1st ots where i just wrote it right into the comment box.

i was gonna make it a rap but kind of didnt.
#7
' If you don't stand up,
You will never get the chance to sit down.'
+
'spinning around in the crowd'

very cool with da ''s, pretty damn witty.

The rest of it was pretty good too, and the first line came off alot less cliche than it should have.

... , you really wanna procrastonate before doing that History/English dontcha.
#8
Hey! That was a pretty creative song! I do like the things you wrote "If you don't stand up,
You will never get the chance to sit down." That was very cool! Just things that no one ever gets to think about lol ummm i've never written a song and I just posted my first one ever. It is called "Don't Break Away". do you think you can read it and help me out on it a little bit?
#10
I liked it a lot, actually.

"Now it's phlegm clouds
Dropping stuff to make the dj's proud."

Those lines were ridiculously clever.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching