#1
here it is, don't know if it comes into the "flagrant ?censor aversion,?" kinda thing, but u know you gotta read it in context, can't tell anything else, so here it goes...crit plz

Verse I

I can't find the words
to explain this hate all over my head
Hate this and hate that
it's all the same bull**** again

Verse II

I can't get it out
when I just want to scream at your face
This feelings I'm having
to beat you all over the place

VERSE III

Maybe by praying
I'll get you to go far away
I am far too bitter
I have nothin' better to do

VERSE IV

There's no point on praying
he won't help you out
you mean nothing to him at all

You mean nothing to me
you mean nothing to them
you really mean nothing at all

Verse V

Fight!!,
To get rid of your sand of lies
Don't!,
They make you feel so ****in' good

I don't want to hear you no more
I won't be your slave all my life
I won't be your slave all my life!

First Chorus

This long war inside
that keeps me awake
holding the line
hoping I won't give up
fighting and killing
this ****in' disease
fighting
and hoping
you will die

Insomniac WAR!

VERSE VI

Now that you're happy
I'll tell you some stuff
that won't make you happy at all

You're loveless and hopeless
you have no way out
soon I'll own your ****y soul

Verse VII

Burn!
Suffer and drink all you want
drink 'till you have no more life
smoke your own life while you're there

Fly with me, my little child
fly without wings to the sun
then fall to the ground like a stone

Second Chorus

This long war inside
that keeps me awake
holding the line
hoping I won't give in
fighting and killing
this ****in' disease
Right now
I'll tell you
I WON'T FALL DOWN!!

Final Verse

It's all over,
now I can go back to sleep
at last
Last edited by P4nch_o at Nov 19, 2006,
#2
As a more or less "hippy", its a little to aggressive for my taste. But I do think it is very well writen. Unfortunitly, I suck at analizing stuff, (I think i got the message)... but why could you go back to sleep?
70's Japan Greco SuperPower
Amps: '65 TRRI - Peavey Classic 50 4x10 - Epiphone VJ Head (Modded) - 2x12 Celestion Greenback Cab
FX: BK Tube Driver - EH Small Stone - MXR CC
Acoustics: Breedlove ADSM20 - Alveraz 5021 12-String
#3
well...i was kinda depressed when i wrote the song, and i don't know about you, but when i was like that i couldn't sleep 'cause of stupid things that went all over my head, so when i say that i can go back to sleep, means that i was finally over the whole thing...anyway that's it, not so hard to understand after all....i think
#4
Ahh, I was wondering if it was like suicide, but then that wouldn't make sence... Yea, the depression shows, but depression is just one emotion that can really cause people to write some really powerful stuff. Again, good work.
70's Japan Greco SuperPower
Amps: '65 TRRI - Peavey Classic 50 4x10 - Epiphone VJ Head (Modded) - 2x12 Celestion Greenback Cab
FX: BK Tube Driver - EH Small Stone - MXR CC
Acoustics: Breedlove ADSM20 - Alveraz 5021 12-String
#5
i normally don't like stuff like this, but for some reason i liked your piece. probably because its so full of emotion, like none of the rhymes seem forced (maybe except for verse 2). the ending is good too.
#6
VERSE III

Maybe by praying
I'll get you to go far away
I am far too bitter
I have nothin' better to do


Verse 3 didn't flow as well as the first two.

I don't usually read stuff like this but it was able to keep my attention all the way through. Overall it was pretty good.