#1
I need some crits to help me with this song. Please help make it the best it can be!

You ask me why I?m up so late,
As you come walkin? through that door,
Baby, I?ll let you contemplate,
Oh, yeah we?ve done this before.
An? I?m sick and tired of your lies,
Be lucky if ya go outta this house alive.

PRE-CHORUS:
Say you want another chance, baby,
Don?t wanna have to go,
Well, Buster, get a move on,
Or I?ll kick you out that door.

CHORUS:
Baby, you?re dead to me, dead to me,
What do you expect of me, expect of me,
I?ve listened to your lame ol? lies,
Just too many thousand times.
You?re outta here, outta here,
I don?t need you near, need you near.
Just head on out that door top-speed,
Cause, baby, you?re just dead to me.

You thought I?d never know the truth,
That you been sneakin? round all night ,
Oh but baby I can see right through,
Your cheatin?, lyin?, little mind,
Try to tell me that you?re with your friends,
Well, baby, didn?t you see the end?!

PRE-CHORUS

CHORUS

(Talk/sing through next lines.)
Say that you still need me,
Well, baby, that?s kinda hard to believe?

CHORUS

Yeah, you?re dead to me.
Oh, yeah.
Baby, nothin? but dead to me.
cHEER uP, eMO kiD!
#2
It would be fantastic as a country song. I strongly dislike country but that doesn't mean it wouldn't sound good to a country fan.

P.S. your threads will more then liekly get locked so I suggest reading the rules so you can post here and we can crit your work. Sorry to be the messenger of bad news :/
#3
yeah im a big country hick! lol thats good to hear for me i guess lol oh yeah i just joined UG 2 days ago so ill look into the rules lol thanks!!
cHEER uP, eMO kiD!
#4
I can see the emotion in the song, but it's kind of much. It stops you from thinking of more clever lines. For example: I don?t need you near, need you near.
Just head on out that door top-speed
and Oh but baby I can see right through,
Your cheatin?, lyin?, little mind
I just don't believe these are good strong lyrics. I know you might just be starting to write lyrics. Just next time, think of more compelling verse.
#5
ok thanks! lol yeah i just started doing songs 2 days ago and sometimes i just look in desperation to add lyrics lol ill try it out
cHEER uP, eMO kiD!