#1
So. Um.....Its basically about... a ghost watching his body slowly decompose and be attacked by nature. said ghost, of course, can do nothing. Eventually his body returns to the earth. Here we go. Poetic Death Metal basically. And, I used the double meaning to leper. It can also mean "one who is shunned from society." Being a ghost and a corpse, said character is a leper.

Leper:

Leper lies beneath the mire of the earth.
As summer fades to fall;
Your body is in my hands,
Contained beneath the lid nailed shut.

Marrow runs dry as you grow ever pale.
Scourges of my soul attack your flesh.
You watch from above and long to return,
But the curtains have closed on your life.

A tragedy no one knows,
No shrieks peirce the night.
Outcast from the living,
you scream in fright.

Bleak fate,
Your body will return to the earth.
Fresh stigma fills your flesh,
as the process continues.

[/Solo/]

No relief yet,
Only pain of watching.
You kneel at the altars of madness,
And scream for rebirth.

Clear your thoughts of renaissance,
Lost are your days of freedom.
I keep you at bay,
Shackled within my grip.
Your mind holds no light,
Your in an atramentous plight.
Though you've done no sin,
Your dead, yet alive are your kin.

Pale gaze covered in virgin snow,
We enter Winter for the first time.
Fading into the shadows of December,
Plunging into insane confusion.

Bones collapse as you grow to the earth,
Scourges of my soul take whats left.
You watch from above and long return,
But the curtains have closed on your life.
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
Last edited by Burning_Angel at Oct 1, 2006,
#2
i guess its perfect...
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
#3
its ok. not my favoured style (i personally think that sort of metal is a bit to overblown and fanciful) but it gets the job done.
the leper thing fits with the idea of decomposing and all so the imagery works

nice one

peace out
--------------------i'm definitely the alphaest male here--------------------
#4
thank you. Finally a crit. =\
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
#5
ok well i really like the idea of the song
very well written
couple things...
k well i dont kno like any instrumental rythme patterns for this song but at a couple parts in like the same verse it goes like a 2 word line then like a 8 word line. not a big problem and dependin on how u sing it cud work out anyway

2nd not really sure wat the winter part has to do to with anything... i like it tho it seems to fit well into the song except this line -->"We enter Winter for the first time."
for some reason i dont like that much, doesnt seem to flow very well
1 last thing the last line of the song --> "But the curtains have closed on your life"
i really like except maybe cud be worded a bit different... hmm dno maybe sumthin like
"Drawn curtains cut of ur life, cut of all hope" hmm lol thats not exactly great but sumhow i think it needs a bit or rewordin

anyway great song and if u want to ignore my sugestions go ahead lol just my opinions
#6
No, no ignorement of comments.

The winter thing: It starts by moving from fall and ends in winter. simple enough i hope. Kinda cause weather gets more bleak as we go from fall to winter. But mainly cause I wanted to show time change.

Last line... Possibly drawn the curtains on your life.

I've wondered about that... I may just combine a few parts of the verse to just make it even mre odd. Or come in with the two lines at the end of the riff, then continue as normal.
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
#7
Edited it a bit.
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"