#1
This is just a start of the song i have no more time to post the rest cuz i gotta go right away. So please crit this and I'll have the full song up soon. Crit for crit.

I put the pencil to the paper
I struggle with what to say
Each phrase I write
a window to my thoughts

The guitar it sounds it's rhythm
I sing the melody
But this songs not about the music
It's about you and I you'll see

As I write,
And as I sing this song,
It's a letter of my fears,
I need you to hear

(chorus)
So please, will you answer me?
I can't read your shades of grey.
Oh Please, will you speak to me,
Any more than "hi" will do,
nothing to see here
Last edited by Seiko-Unleashed at Sep 27, 2006,
#2
I think it's a little ...generic. spice it up a little. good start
Quote by thedefrockednun


DAMN YOU I SIGGED HER FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I demand, in the name of the rt, that you change your sig...


NOW!!!!!!!!!




Quote by rigiddigits
RT meet!! Of epic global proportions!!!*
*world may asplode due to unprecedented levels of awesome.
#3
I think I've figured out how i'm gonna do this. I'll move that second stanza to after the chorus and put something in there that's actually about how i'm feeling instead of going on about the song. Anyone else wanna crit?
nothing to see here
#4
Quote by u.n.t.a.m.e.d.
I think it's a little ...generic. spice it up a little. good start


That was my thought as well.

The word window is a bad choice so many other choices for a portal.

Put some words in there that are not used often.

Crit :Budding Flower.