#1
This is a song ive been working on for a while This song really means alot to me!!
Just tell me what you honestly think

Intro
Some good advice
Id like to give ya
If you find her
never leave her
If she loves you
Love her true
If she hates you
Nothing you can do!!

Bridge
Look at her face
and say what you feel
And youll know
if your loves real

Why did you Leave her
In the rain
Left your house
but you still get the pain

Starting a new life
Far far away
But hating evry moment
since that day

chorus
Dont live with the pain
Of breaking her heart
are you still in love?
By the power of god above

Just go home
knock on her door
and youll start to feel
You can live once more

She opened the door
Screams at you 'why?'
You say sorry
She slams the door and cries

chorus
dont live with the pain
Of the tears in her eyes
She not in love
By the power of god above

She wants Suicide
No more pain
No more moments
like the one in the rain

You try to stop
you really do
But in doing so
It kills you

chorus
Oh now your gonna live with the pain
of the knife in her hand
shes realised your love
But now your with god above

Shes at the funeral
her eyes all red
she only loves you again
now your dead

repeat intro!!

ill crit for crit so leave your songs
Re
#2
You might want to try and mix it up a bit. It seems very bland. Parts of it were okay, but everything just sounds the same. I would definitely redo the chorus. But to each his/her own.
#4
Intro
Some good advice
Id like to give ya
If you find her
never leave her
If she loves you
Love her true
If she hates you
Nothing you can do!!
not too bad, although it doesn't seem to flow really well
Bridge
Look at her face
and say what you feel
And youll knowis this a typo? If not, it doesn't really make much sense
if your loves real
this flows better than the previous one

Why did you Leave her
In the rain
Left your house
but you still get the pain
nice rhyming, sort of flowy

Starting a new life
Far far away
But hating evry moment
since that day

chorus
Dont live with the pain
Of breaking her heart
are you still in love?
By the power of god abovenot loving the religious references, but thats just personal opinoin. It seems like you sort of forced that line

Just go home
knock on her door
and youll start to feel
You can live once more
this is probably my favourite verse. It has interesting metre.

She opened the door
Screams at you 'why?'
You say sorry
She slams the door and cries
I'd have to hear this line in the song to see how you sing it. It could sound awesome, if you sing the way I think its supposed to be.

chorus
dont live with the pain
Of the tears in her eyes
She not in love
By the power of god above
Again, this doesn't flow very well.

She wants Suicide
No more pain
No more moments
like the one in the rain
I liked this one, probably because of the rhymes, and bringing up a repeated theme.

You try to stop
you really do
But in doing so
It kills you

chorus
Oh now your gonna live with the pain
of the knife in her hand
shes realised your love
But now your with god above

Shes at the funeral
her eyes all red
she only loves you again
now your dead
sort of a wierd ending, I don't really get what happened. She killed him? He killed himself?

repeat intro!!

Its a great start, but I think you just need to change a few things. The parts I said didn't flow well was mostly because of metre, or they were just akwardly worded. None of the ideas were bad, they just need to be said in a slightly different way in some cases. Good work! And thanks for critting mine
To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
And Eternity in an hour