#1
I have written my first drunken poem. What an excuse. Something tells me that I may well be parodying myself.

The corners of my eyes crinkle
Like the edges of sweet-wrappers
As I screw up my face, arch my back
And cup my hands, caressing a
Sodden, imaginary cunt. Yet as
My own sopping juice seeps through my
Fingers, I am reminded, once again,
That fucking myself is no substitute for
Mustering some bloody courage
And doing it to her myself.

Yet as I slither through club after
Club, each dense, desperate interior
Caked in the sweat of chav-piss, I
Slap some sagging arse and gutlessly
Grin, but even she will have none, none of this
At all. So let?s fuck this, and clamber
Onto the leather cab seat and lie dumb - foetal;
Hoping against hope that the driver -
His moist pink lips visible in the mirror ?
Has seen less fucking fun than I tonight.
"You can never quarantine the past."
Last edited by broken_bottles at Sep 29, 2006,
#2
interesting
Member #5 of the Frank Zappa Fan Club

Member #15 of UGPSA: Ultimate-Guitar's Pot Smokers Association. PM AK Guitarist to join
#3
Probably the rawest you've been.

I'm not going to crit anymore now, it seems both of us had a pretty good night last night

Well, they do say to judge it on how bad you feel the next morning :P

Jamie
#7
On the spot.

Reading this again, I realised I liked it.

I would crit it but, yknow... it's late.. (half ten.....)

Ah well, your next one, if there is a next one.

Jamie
#8
Im sorry im joining the band-wagon of the "non critters" not that jammy isn't a critter.

But I actually enjoyed this, its like the Arctic Monkeys have been soiled, and this is how they write now, (sorry if you hate them) Im not the greatest fan, but they construct a gd song, and this has that same storybook feel to it. Even the content didn't feel crass at all. Just honest.

Really enjoyed this more than, well most of your other pieces, I may not crit, but i read!

peACE
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.
#9
Thanks very much. I'm quite pleased with the reaction this got, I was very inebriated when writing, as you can probably no doubt tell.
"You can never quarantine the past."
#11
Wow, it definitely sounds like you. Good imagery, almost too much if you know what I mean , but great job on this. It's definitely one of the more interesting pieces I've read on here.
Cause I love feelin' dirty
And I love feelin' cheap
And I love it when you hurt me
So drive those staples deep