#1
I count the snowflakes as they drift from the stars
they tell me things I already know
I shuffle my feet in rising
ankle deep snow, and I breathe on my
listless hands to keep them afloat.
The powder floor has grown to knee level
and it?s getting difficult to walk
let alone see eye to eye with the
mahogany gems that won?t even talk to me.
My hollow footsteps trace me back to the sky
I trust them to knock aside
any misconception that may follow.
Last edited by s0nofabe4ch at Sep 29, 2006,
#3
hmmm I liked it. I thought that it might have been a little better if you fixed some lines that had flow problems ("The powder floor has grown to knee level", for instance)

if you'd like, I've love a crit of my song Lullaby (Forgotten Child). It's in my sig.
Dem Dry Bones
Current read: I Am America (And You Can Too) (Stephen Colbert)
Album of the Week: Four Thieves Gone (The Avett Brothers)