#1
This is really something about nothing but I actually liked it, which is quite a rarity for my own work. Crit for crit as ever (well...)

You remember the knock upon your door
It is vague but it is still there
Water flowing through the keyhole
How you remember what stories were told

And the chambermaid fell
Halfway down the witch's well
You thought she had landed in Hell
But you can see she is feeling swell

A cascade pouring into your room
That man is smiling up in the moon
The water's swirling by and round your feet
You dare not step where the currents meet

The witch's eyes; they shone a blue
And those eyes you could see right through
Oh Lord, and the chambermaid fell
Drowning slowly in the witch's well
#2
wat genre of music is this for? i think it would be badass in maybe HXC or maybe metalcore. kinda fast on the chorus ya know?
#3
Actually...it's a ballad (acoustic mostly), but I see (sort of, not a fan of t3h modern music, y'see) what you mean about the chorus. I suppose it's just different ways for people to read the words.
#4
Allright man...

You remember the knock upon your door
It is vague but it is still there

i love these lines, makes my mind start going places, you know, nice
Water flowing through the keyhole
How you remember what stories were told

now i like this too, but do you mean the last lne as a question? i dont undrestanf the water thing either.

And the chambermaid fell
Halfway down the witch's well
You thought she had landed in Hell
But you can see she is feeling swell

no... swell is just... all of the rhymes.. ok... What i really meant to say was that the rhyme scheme makes it forced and it might just be the "-ell", but "swell", i think thats way too forced, weak stanza here man?

A cascade pouring into your room
That man is smiling up in the moon
The water's swirling by and round your feet
You dare not step where the currents meet

ok, i like this and its not forced, but then again its AABB, not AAAA. second line seems just a little out of place, i dont think you needed to bring the man in the moon ito the story... but it kinda works, nice here again

The witch's eyes; they shone a blue
And those eyes you could see right through
Oh Lord, and the chambermaid fell
Drowning slowly in the witch's well

This one is decent. i liked the first and third much better, but this is good. i like the song overall but fix that one...

hey mines in sig please
#5
I really like the entire thing in general, the part here is my favorite though;

And the chambermaid fell
Halfway down the witch's well


I don't really know why, but I think it's pretty sweet.

And the chambermaid fell
Halfway down the witch's well
You thought she had landed in Hell
But you can see she is feeling swell

no... swell is just... all of the rhymes.. ok... What i really meant to say was that the rhyme scheme makes it forced and it might just be the "-ell", but "swell", i think thats way too forced, weak stanza here man?

Although I like the beginning of the part, I agree with AmplifySilence, I think that using swell weakens the stanza in general.

The rest of it i'm satisfied with, I'd really like to listen to it sometime if you get it recorded or soemthing, PM me and i'll shoot you my AIM screen name.