#1
This a song I wrote just now as I am rather bored... It isn't that long but hmm... I kinda like it

*****************************************

To whom it may concern
I saw you on the counter
Tied back hair, ribbons there
A look of sheer confusion

I sat across from you
Trying to discover you
All I got was a blank stare
And more questions to ask

And you turned and walked
And from my lips sprang
'C'est La Vie
Adieu'

I sat alone for months
Waiting for you to come
I heard no knock or ring
All I have is pictures of life

And I turned and walked
And from my lips sprang
'C'est La Vie
Adieu'

Ceci pour votre amour
Nous pouvons jamais être
Et c'est un adieu cassé
Un autre espoir brisé
#2
Haha, rememeber that vengaboys song c'est la vie, that was great.

I'll hopefully get back to this somewhen..

Jamie
#4
Quote by Jammydude44
Haha, rememeber that vengaboys song c'est la vie, that was great.

the vengaboys?!?!

it was b*witched xD
Quote by Kensai
Maybe you've heard what the ladies say: "Once you go 77mm you don't go back"
#5
To whom it may concern
I saw you on the counter
Tied back hair, ribbons there
A look of sheer confusion

nice beginning... made me curiouse
I sat across from you
Trying to discover you
All I got was a blank stare
And more questions to ask

i didnt like the repeating of you... dont know how you should fix that but it just sounded weird

And you turned and walked
And from my lips sprang
'C'est La Vie
Adieu'
nice

I sat alone for months
Waiting for you to come
I heard no knock or ring
All I have is pictures of life

strange last line.. maybe thats personal or something

And I turned and walked
And from my lips sprang
'C'est La Vie
Adieu'

Ceci pour votre amour
Nous pouvons jamais être
Et c'est un adieu cassé
Un autre espoir brisé
ooee my french is very bad...

overal i thought it was a nice song.. what kind of style were you going for?
Boo!
#6
Quote by jallas
the vengaboys?!?!

it was b*witched xD


Damn, picked the wrong one.

Both very similar bands, mind.

I WILL actually critique this and stop spamming your thread soon, I pwomise.

Jamie
#7
say you will, say you wont
say youll do , what i dont
say you will, say to me
c'est la vie!

god, i remember the music video, even...they were up in a treehouse, looking at boys on the ground....


NEWAYZ

I like this. Flows well. LOVE the chorus. This is most definitely better than the B*WITCHED version
<Han> I love Hitler
#8
Quote by amy_gail

Ceci pour votre amour
Nous pouvons jamais être
Et c'est un adieu cassé
Un autre espoir brisé
ooee my french is very bad...

overal i thought it was a nice song.. what kind of style were you going for?


I don't know any French at all I had to get it translated...

I was going for a kind of Leonard Cohen style (Yeah, thats hard to follow) but more specifaccaly Hallelujah the overall mood was to be like the Jeff Buckely version though.
#9
Quote by mmm... ice
This a song I wrote just now as I am rather bored... It isn't that long but hmm... I kinda like it

*****************************************

To whom it may concern
I saw you on the counter
Tied back hair, ribbons there
A look of sheer confusion

Nice opener. Plain but not cliche. Good. Good flow also.

I sat across from you
Trying to discover you
All I got was a blank stare
And more questions to ask

Dislike the repetition of "you". Slighlty less intriguing, but it's still alright.

And you turned and walked
And from my lips sprang
'C'est La Vie
Adieu'

I still can't get Bewitched outta my head...

I sat alone for months
Waiting for you to come
I heard no knock or ring
All I have is pictures of life

Flow stumbles slightly here. The last line is just plain boring and predictable.

And I turned and walked
And from my lips sprang
'C'est La Vie
Adieu'

Ceci pour votre amour
Nous pouvons jamais être
Et c'est un adieu cassé
Un autre espoir brisé

Ugh.. my best french I know gets me somewhere to.. Something for love/we can never be/and it's goodbye trashed (?)/Another hope broken... I looked up one word there, that was pretty good. Alright ending, no more language is poetic than the french.


Alright piece, not great but it was an enjoyable read.

Jamie
#10
i really liked your first two verses....i guess the one with c'est la vie is your chorus...that too sounds good...i did not like the third verse...don't know why...but oh well it's just my view...overall nice song ..flows well...better than all of the songs i have written