#1
Don't know if the title is spelled right, but you should be able to get it. crit 4 Crit. Comments are welcome.

SABOTAGE

Verse:
Steppin up now I take my place
Among the heroes of men
And when it's over I'll laugh in your face
Cause I'm gonna win

Bridge: (but not before the chorus)
I know you think you heard it all before
But you don't-know-me

Verse:
Once I've had my fill
I'll come back again
Cause I stay true
And I know what to do
I'M A GOD AMONG MEN!!!

CHORUS:
Too many times I been stuck on the line
Just to stand and watch
But now my time has come
I'll show you-what-I've-got

Verse:
loving you's hard
But I like it enough
Cause it's like a game

Bridge: (this one is before the chorus)
But just know I like a challenge
So if you quit I'll leave

CHORUS:
Too many times I been stuck on the line
Just to stand and watch
But now my time has come
I'll show you-what-I've-got

(SOLO)

CHORUS:
Too many times I been stuck on the line
Just to stand and watch
But now my time has come
I'll show you-what-I've-got

Verse:
You stopped me once before
But it, won't happen again
I'm gonna take you out
I'm gonna win

Verse:
And if you cheat I'll call you out
I'm not afraid
I don't like your sabotage
And I don't care if you hate me

CHORUS:
Too many times I been stuck on the line
Just to stand and watch
But now my time has come
I'll show you-what-I've-got
#2
dude, this pretty much sucks. its turgid and stale.

Steppin up now I take my place
Among the heroes of men
And when it's over I'll laugh in your face
Cause I'm gonna win


what place? when whats over? whos face? what are you going to win?


I know you think you heard it all before
But you don't-know-me


im beginning to think i've heard all this song before, by every other two-bob lyricist.


Once I've had my fill
I'll come back again
Cause I stay true
And I know what to do
I'M A GOD AMONG MEN!!!


Again, you havent told us anything. so far this song is literally just saying "im gonna go out and do it, and im going to be the best". we dont know what you are doing or why.

Too many times I been stuck on the line
Just to stand and watch
But now my time has come
I'll show you-what-I've-got



loving you's hard
But I like it enough
Cause it's like a game


you didnt even finish this verse. and its become a love song now? the change in tone is waaay too abrupt and not even warranted.

But just know I like a challenge
So if you quit I'll leave


letting somebody quit is hardly taking on a challenge. you've totally switched from ythe unstoppable "god among men" to saying, "well if you give up then so do i"

Too many times I been stuck on the line
Just to stand and watch
But now my time has come
I'll show you-what-I've-got


Too many times I been stuck on the line
Just to stand and watch
But now my time has come
I'll show you-what-I've-got



You stopped me once before
But it, won't happen again
I'm gonna take you out
I'm gonna win


back to the original idea for the song. its not about making it work despite difficulties anymore, its about finally getting one up over someone again. yeah whatever who cares about consistency anyway?

And if you cheat I'll call you out
I'm not afraid
I don't like your sabotage
And I don't care if you hate me


Too many times I been stuck on the line
Just to stand and watch
But now my time has come
I'll show you-what-I've-got


This was in all pretty weak i thought.
there was no imagery, metaphor, rhythm, flow nor any other literary device that makes people want to read on.
and it didnt seem to be about anything (coherent). just a collection of loosely rhymed, cliched words and phrases.

if i were you id scrap this, focus your ideas and rewrite it totally.

keep at it tho, itll get there eventually

peace out
--------------------i'm definitely the alphaest male here--------------------