#1
ok i need some help on this, i need a chorus. I don't usually write things this lovely and sappy so i'm having trouble. This song is acousticly.

The day becomes the night,
But i won't give up the fight,
It's said that life goes on,
But i don't wanna live alone

Chorus?

The night becomes the day,
And all i've wanted to say,
Is that this pain you made me feel,
it's true and it won't ever heal

Constructive criticism is wanted and much needed.
#2
Seems very cliched. However, most girls would cream themselves if you sang it to them.
<Han> I love Hitler
#3
Looking at the bit under chorus, when I read it, I want to carry on another four lines, so an eight-line chorus is probably better, maybe not first time you use it, but thereafter eight lines. The rhyming altogether is pretty basic, but the idea behind the song is basic so I can't complain. When you come back to adding more stanzas, try not to force your pen to write the words, just sit there patiently and let the words come into your head, especially when writing a personal song (I realise it may not be personal but the way it comes across, it is.)

If you dare (mwahaha) could you have a look at the thing in my sig? Much appreciated.
#4
to HaKattack yeah dude i sang it to one of my ex's and that night was great if you kno wat i mean
#5
to Dæmönika thanks for the insight yes it is personal and it is short and you are right i wanted a chorus that could be built on to like legos if you will
#7
Quote by connerkjc
to Dæmönika wats a sig? i am new to the UG community


The sig is the bit below a post where a user puts loads of crap and stuff. A link to my song is in there.

For the future, I'd refrain from double-(in your case triple-) posting, 'tis against UG rules.