#1
As we all rise together,
In tune to that rising Sun,
We look out unto the waters,
Seeing what we have done.

We realize what's happened now,
We lost someone dear.
We lost them to those damn waters,
But now we're wishing they were here.

[chorus]
So on this day,
My heart shall die,
Seeing you smile, holding him.
And I hope someday,
You'll change you're mind,
And come back for one more swim.

All I wish is to turn around,
To set my sights and see,
Why the hell you left me here,
And tossed me, tied, into your sea.

How could you go,
And break my only heart?
Now I see those fools were right,
Wiser ones from the start.

[guitar solo]

[chorus]

Now I see you with him,
Talking; holding hands.
And it reminds me of how,
We used to wander those lonely lands.
#3
Thanks.
It's actually the second revision.
I had an original that sucked, and then my lead guitarist helped me revise it.
Then I revised that some more, and WHAM here it is!
#5
Thanks again.
I really appreciate it.
Considering the last two times I posted it, I didn't so many good crits.
I think it's a lot better now though, so that could be why.
#6
i like the flow of this,
i find sometimes its hard to imagine the melody, but with this i could sing it in my head; so that means it has a comercial attribute. theres also some very neat rhymes and word play.

i didnt see the first write but well done on this good job
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.
#7
Thanks.
As I said before, I had some help revising the first time... and then I just took it a step further to make this write.
I appreciate the crit.