#1
I wrote this a while ago, but did some significant revising, and I think I improved it significantly. Musically this song is a bit of a fusion between bluesy rock (a la Jimi Hendrix) and celtic folk.

Anyway, crit for crit and all that:

Lullaby

Sing lullaby to a forgotten child
Go to sleep, little one
For this world is full of weeping
That no one understands

Close your eyes
And dream of saphire skies
You are so weak
And the world tramples the meek
All you see is pain
So just pray for quiet rain

Sing lullaby to a forgotten child
Go to sleep, little one
For this world is full of weeping
That no one understands

The years pass by
Fantasies turn into lies
All your dreams
Have lost their hopeful gleam
Now you're alone
In this cruel place with no home

And I remember
I remember in 1793, liberty and terror and guillotines
And I remember in 1864, brothers bleeding in the Civl War
I remember in 1942, when I hid a man 'coz he was a Jew
And I remember in 2005 when Sudan bled red from genocide
I remember our broken lives, and I bow my head and cry

Sing lullaby to a forgotten child
Go to sleep, little one
For this world is full of weeping
That no one understands
Dem Dry Bones
Current read: I Am America (And You Can Too) (Stephen Colbert)
Album of the Week: Four Thieves Gone (The Avett Brothers)
#2
wow, I really like this!! espaeically the "sing lullaby to a forgotten child" part. awesome...
#4
Quote by meharvan
nice but lacks rhyme.


Er, well, the verses have an 'aabbcc' rhyme scheme, and there is internal rhyming on the bridge part.... so I'm not entirely sure what you mean.
Dem Dry Bones
Current read: I Am America (And You Can Too) (Stephen Colbert)
Album of the Week: Four Thieves Gone (The Avett Brothers)
#5
I like it, especially how I heard it in my head I think it would fit pretty good with a Hendrix style song. Good job
#6
I thouhgt it was a good song,probly rocks more than how Im hearing it. The lines "I remamber 1793...etc..."I picture that played live and really extending/milking that part to the crowd with all kinds of dates and events in history ...great lyrics with vision......"Fly High" is my latest..a crit is always appreciated.
#7
wow. This is really good. First of all, it doesn't lack ryhme. The rhyming is very good. I'm not too sure if i think the whole dates part works but everything else is simply amazing. I love the repeated (chorus?) part. Very effective.

"Killing Me Inside (Distraught)" is the one i have out now, it has no crits yet so one would be appreciated. Thx.