#1
Alright, I think this song will have problems with flow, so, that is the main issue with it. I need suggestions on how to make it flow better. Here it is.....

EDIT: I put the chords on. Just repeat the chords in the 1st verse for the 2nd verse and the Chords in the first chorus for the 2nd chorus. I will have guitars tuned to B for this song.

EDIT 2: IT wouldnt put the chords in the right spot so, you have to use your imagination.

Walk On the Moon-

Verse 1 (Acoustic Guitar Only)-


I need a place, of sweet silence,
To retire, there with you,
A secluded oasis, isolated void,
Where all will always be true,

Chorus (Drums, Bass, and Electric Guitar Enter)-


O, How I want to walk on the moon,
Hand-in-hand with you,
Where Earth's confusion is gone,
O, how I want to walk on the moon,

Verse 2-
Sitting, in the craters,
Side by Side,
Looking at the Earth, sun and stars,
Wondering, where people are,

Chorus 2-
O, how i want to walk on the moon,
Hand-In-Hand with you,
Staring into space, sitting face-to-face,
O, how I wish to walk on the moon

<Guitar Solo>

Repeat Chorus 1
Repeat Chorus 2

Outro (Acoustic Guitar Only


O, how I want to walk on the moon
Hand-in Hand with you......

<Acoustic Guitar Strums random chords for ending>

Crits Please
Seattle Seahawks


Quote by chookiecookie
i feel like you have an obsession with aubrey plaza.


Quote by WCPhils
at least we can all agree SGstriker is the woooooooooooooooooooooorst
Last edited by SGstriker at Oct 1, 2006,
#2
Its a great idea you have here,sitting up there looking down on the earth. However, its too vague. I would write another 4 lines for each Verse...for Verse 1...describing maybe more of the intamacy there,a 1 on 1 type feel which you done ...just needs more detail...The 2nd verse....looking down on earth, sun and stars...what about them, again more detail.....maybe finish this part with something like...."Infifite over our shoulder...something like that. just my thoughts, a good start just needs some finishing touches.
#3
Thanks for your crit. BTW, where did you get that avatar??
Seattle Seahawks


Quote by chookiecookie
i feel like you have an obsession with aubrey plaza.


Quote by WCPhils
at least we can all agree SGstriker is the woooooooooooooooooooooorst
#4
I like the lyrics I guess, but its really hard to crit them without a sample of someone singing em.
I love neapolitan ice cream, but I HATE VANILA AND STRAWBERRY!

Tremulous Name:
Aaron-[UVache]
#5
I will post the chords I plan to put on it. Hold on
Seattle Seahawks


Quote by chookiecookie
i feel like you have an obsession with aubrey plaza.


Quote by WCPhils
at least we can all agree SGstriker is the woooooooooooooooooooooorst
#6
well, i will definetely just tell you that i love it! XD it is a very sweet song! i think the whole idea about being secluded together is so sweet...<3 excellent!
cHEER uP, eMO kiD!
#7
i like this. it gives me two different feelings. one is kinda like wonder land moon walking, and the other is just a peiceful place in the sky looking at the world disregarding the moon. idk if my own piece i would think of something besides the moon