WlCmToTheJungle
UG Addict
Join date: Feb 2005
5,833 IQ
#1
wrote this last night, heres the lyrics,



You thought that it was just the dust,
That was blown off of the ashes from
Embers that sat ignited, in my backyard
Your eyes concide in apathy
The tears your crying quietly
Im a fool for foolish things
But Im not a fool for everything

You thought that you were just the clouds,
That brought the rain down to the ground
With whispers as tears, rolling, down you cheek
But your beautiful to say the least,

Look at this reflection in the water,
Wash the dust from your eyes, so u can see
The words I say to you are always faltered
But I am ready to say what I beleive
Your beautiful to say the least
Your beautiful to say the least

Asthetic ash from poetry,
I set fire to it's identity
"cause a blue-inked pen could never give me warmth

Look at this reflection in the water,
Wash the dust from your eyes, so u can see
The words I say to you are always faltered
But I am ready to say what I beleive
Your beautiful to say the least
Your beautiful to say the least

The thunder struck and the storm rolled in
The fire blew out, lit the match again
The poetry is toxic to the flame
But your smiles guides me through the rain

And the dust was washed away
Attachments:
49.zip
My Gear:
Fender American Deluxe Stratocaster
Epiphone Sheraton II
Fender Blues Deluxe Reissue
Teese RMC Picture Wah
MXR Carbon Copy
Keeley Modded TS9
Korg Pitchblack
Schecter Omen 6
Dean Performer Acoustic

nexteyenate
UG's Passafire Fan
Join date: Jun 2006
1,590 IQ
#2
that was very relaxing and calm. i had a lot of fun soloing over it. the chord progression was a little boring but if it was made to have lyrics over it (it obviously was) then it wouldnt be boring if the vocals were in it. great job. if you want to crit mine, they're in my sig.
Quote by Killian5-0
I was looking at a friend of mines baby that was just born and I said "He's younger than me"

Quote by Rocker_geek
nexteyenate you win
Linux
WlCmToTheJungle
UG Addict
Join date: Feb 2005
5,833 IQ
#5
thanks, and i probably will record it tomarrow (im off school and i have nothing better to do) so youll see what its gonna sound like

EDIT: actually i can put in a melody line right now if anyone is interested
My Gear:
Fender American Deluxe Stratocaster
Epiphone Sheraton II
Fender Blues Deluxe Reissue
Teese RMC Picture Wah
MXR Carbon Copy
Keeley Modded TS9
Korg Pitchblack
Schecter Omen 6
Dean Performer Acoustic

Last edited by WlCmToTheJungle at Oct 15, 2006,
culex-knight
mon titre d'utilisateur
Join date: Jun 2004
400 IQ
#6
It's very relaxing, would definitely be amazing with vocals.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

WlCmToTheJungle
UG Addict
Join date: Feb 2005
5,833 IQ
#8
you know these crits arent even worth my time to return, i mean cmon, not to be an ass but saying "nice job" isnt a crit
My Gear:
Fender American Deluxe Stratocaster
Epiphone Sheraton II
Fender Blues Deluxe Reissue
Teese RMC Picture Wah
MXR Carbon Copy
Keeley Modded TS9
Korg Pitchblack
Schecter Omen 6
Dean Performer Acoustic

nexteyenate
UG's Passafire Fan
Join date: Jun 2006
1,590 IQ
#9
was my crit good enough?
Quote by Killian5-0
I was looking at a friend of mines baby that was just born and I said "He's younger than me"

Quote by Rocker_geek
nexteyenate you win
Linux
RedDeath9
UG's Nu/Shyguy
Join date: Aug 2006
3,129 IQ
#10
Hm, that was really good. Would be even better with lyrics over it. But there are a few things I would change. In the rhodes paino intro, when it plays B on the E, and B again on the B string, it doesn't really sound that great. It was kind of weird, I would change something there. The string ensemble was really well done. Well, better than I could've done. The chord progression was kind of boring after listening to it a lot, you should change it during the chorus or something... But still, with lyrics over it, maybe it wouldn't seem boring. Yeah overall probably a 7.3/10.

Crit mine? Hold on I'll get the links...

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=436146

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=445715
Last edited by RedDeath9 at Oct 15, 2006,