HumanitysDeath
UG Board King
Join date: Jun 2004
264 IQ
#1
This is something I've been working on in the past week. It's not much yet, but I feel it has potential. Right now, I'm calling it "You Retain Such Simple Beauty"

I'm kind of stuck right now. I have about half a chorus riff, which is where it ends. I dont know what other chords to put in there.

Sorry to the GP users; this is the almighty powertab. But please give a listen to the MIDI file, and just tell me time intervals whenever you need to refer to a certain riff.

All crits appreciated.
I generally do crit for crit, but I'm not always on UG anymore, so my responses are delayed.


edit:
update(s) below this
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Last edited by HumanitysDeath at Oct 17, 2006,
johnmalkin
Has been here too long
Join date: Apr 2005
705 IQ
#2
Pretty nice, I liked the use of the simple-but-different chord structures used. Though I'm not sure about the palm muted ends of the bars. Maybe try to slow them down a bit, it just seems too out of place for me.
Spark1284
Registered User
Join date: Feb 2004
244 IQ
#3
i really liked where bar 19 is heading, its all really good, except the little part over the main riff just doesnt feel right. it definatllyyyy needs to be lengthened. maybe u can through in an opeth style interlude, go into a heavier metal, throw in a cool new progression and see if that opens up some doors. definately work on it more
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HumanitysDeath
UG Board King
Join date: Jun 2004
264 IQ
#4
Hmm.

johnmalkin: The fast palm mute riff is something I'm sticking with. From the get go, I knew this song wasn't going to be anything normal. Nothing yet has fit like a regular song, and I'm liking it thus far. Thank you for the crit though.

Spark: I'm digging the Opeth idea. That'll be kept in mind for sure. I'm guessing you're talking about the little 'lead' lines over that main theme. Personally, I love it. It goes back to what I said with john; nothing yeth as fit like a regular song. I've got a metalcore-esque riff with a sweet and melodic sounding lead over it. I love it. Still, much appreciated crit.

I've worked on this a little more in the past few hours, but I'm going to post an update tomorrow. I have a feeling that there will be even more substance then. I've got so many ideas flowing.

Still. Crits are warmly welcomed. I love the ideas you guys give me. Keep 'em coming.
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sebastian_96
Spared no expense
Join date: May 2006
1,209 IQ
#5
i really quite liked this

good work i say
obscure but simple and good on the ears
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HumanitysDeath
UG Board King
Join date: Jun 2004
264 IQ
#7
I've added a little. I've got the general direction I want to go in.

I'm stuck though. The last couple bars, where it's just two clean guitars playing the same riff. I'm wanting one of the guitars to harmonize, but I cant get a good sound. I was hoping someone could mess with it?

Oh.
And what do you guys think about the chorus? I changed the rhythm, and added to it. Personally, I like it. Any suggestions though?

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Last edited by HumanitysDeath at Oct 23, 2006,
ouchies
UG's OG
Join date: Jan 2006
1,613 IQ
#8
I loved it for the most part.


The one thing i did not like is that lead guitar playing along with the riff at measure 15. i think maybe you should have both play the same part.


at measure 30, i think you should layer another guitar in, and have it hit that open chord again, after having the rest at measure 29. or at least thats what my mind wants to happen.

and then i would think if it would be really cool if you went off into a clean interlude thing with dual lead guitars and some cool harmonzing going on. and then go back into the riff at measure 15.
hthedinga
Registered User
Join date: Nov 2005
1,536 IQ
#9
yeah that was rad. i didn't like the lead guitar in the verse. maybe if you had it playing octaves it would give it a more full sound to connect it more with the lower part. i'm also not sure about the loss in fullness the sound suffers when going from the pre verse to the verse, but i'm probably too into the build frame of mind. if you decide to not go with my octave suggestion on the verse lead (i haven't tried it out myself), you might think about adding vibrato or something to decorate the notes. the chorus is quite colorful. the theme you have going at the end could be the beginning of a solo by elaborating on different parts of the theme. yeah, definately finish this. it's quality.
HumanitysDeath
UG Board King
Join date: Jun 2004
264 IQ
#10
Aye, I have been playing that lead line with vibrato. Just havent pushed the simple little button on PowerTab. I'll look into the octave idea, if I understood it correctly.

From the end of what I have, I'll be adding more clean stuff. I've got a good idea in my head, just gotta put it all into concrete.

And I have thought about taking that lead part and elaborating on it, making it into a nice little solo.

Personally, I think this is one of my best works (in progress) in awhile. I'm definately gonna work on it till the end. I'm actually writing lyrics as I write the instruments. I'll spend a couple hours a night writing the guitar and stuff. And then the next day, I'll be writing lyrics for the instruments.

I'll keep working on this.
Thank you, guys, for the crit and ideas.
Very appreciated.
Keep 'em coming!
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aprescott_27
Friggatriskaidekaphobic
Join date: Nov 2004
859 IQ
#11
Nice, man. I wasn't so up on the intro/verse riff for some reason. It sounds good, but it's just not catchy to me.

I liked the chorus, I think there are some nice harmonies in there. Also not very often you get six-bar phrases. Nice change from the ordinary. And 8/8?

Nice, but not as good as some of the other stuff I remember hearing from you.

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#12
I thought it was good. The intro was kinda boring. Other than that it was decent. Crit my new Melodic piano peice.

:EDIT: Silly me, I forgot the link. https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=7114068#post7114068
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HumanitysDeath
UG Board King
Join date: Jun 2004
264 IQ
#13
Changed the Interlude after the Chorus, and added a new Verse.
Currently, I'm stuck as to what sound I'm looking for. I'm resting myself, and not forcing myself to write. So, it might be a little while before I update again.

But this is near finished.
And I have lyrics ready, so I'll post those with the final version.

Any suggestions, like what to change or add or where I should head with where I'm at?
All opinions welcome.


EDIT:

Forgot to mention that I've added some sweet Bass lines to it.
Definately want some critique on that!
Attachments:
simple beauty.zip
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Last edited by HumanitysDeath at Oct 23, 2006,
Stolenidentity1
UGsRetarded baby on crack
Join date: Jan 2006
724 IQ
#14
I dont like the bass, but the guitar is great

The begining is a little lacking, is the only complant i have
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HumanitysDeath
UG Board King
Join date: Jun 2004
264 IQ
#15
Quote by Stolenidentity1
I dont like the bass, but the guitar is great

The begining is a little lacking, is the only complant i have

I didn't write the intro to be very 'catchy' or anything, so I have no complaints there.

But what dont you like about the bass?
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Stolenidentity1
UGsRetarded baby on crack
Join date: Jan 2006
724 IQ
#16
I think its lacking in skill, but not to many bassist have that, i just hate root notes, it does sound good, i look more for skill rather than just plain sound good, it still has to sound good lol, but still a great piece

but then again, Im no bass master, I havent even been playing for a year

EDIT: If you play the part that the Jazz guitar play when the acoustic starts playing the chords its a perfect lead into a solo
Quote by unfathomable_bo
Well it isnt hard to bend a string that has the tension of a piece of well cooked spaghetti, especially when you have hands like goalkeeper gloves


My songs: (more to come) (C4C's)
Screams fell silent underneath the black sun
Last edited by Stolenidentity1 at Oct 23, 2006,
HumanitysDeath
UG Board King
Join date: Jun 2004
264 IQ
#17
Quote by Stolenidentity1
I think its lacking in skill, but not to many bassist have that, i just hate root notes, it does sound good, i look more for skill rather than just plain sound good, it still has to sound good lol, but still a great piece

but then again, Im no bass master, I havent even been playing for a year

EDIT: If you play the part that the Jazz guitar play when the acoustic starts playing the chords its a perfect lead into a solo

See, I'm no bass player either. I just dabble. I played just so I could learn and know what it really sounds like.

And I dont write for complexity or skill. I did the staccato'd notes so it wasn't JUST the root note. It was the root note with a varied rhythm, you could say. I dunno. I like to keep bass simple, but interesting.

I like your idea about the jazz guitar solo intro. I've been thinking about a solo for this song, and that would definatley be a good start.

Thanks a lot for the critique! Very appreciated!
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Stolenidentity1
UGsRetarded baby on crack
Join date: Jan 2006
724 IQ
#18
np, Just glad your back and writing
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Well it isnt hard to bend a string that has the tension of a piece of well cooked spaghetti, especially when you have hands like goalkeeper gloves


My songs: (more to come) (C4C's)
Screams fell silent underneath the black sun
DarkSonata
Registered User
Join date: May 2005
1,161 IQ
#19
I like the intro and the main line, at bar 15 when the lead part over it comes in maybe make it change a little more. I like the acoustic part, but at measure 29, maybe vary it up a little and don't use straight 8th notes. I like the acoustic progression at the end, stick with that. Other than that it was a very good job and finish it up.
banjo02
Registered User
Join date: Jun 2006
81 IQ
#20
Wow, I'm really likin' this song a lot. The intro is slow, not super catchy, but it's jarring when it switches to the pre-verse. And I like that. Bars 15-18 work really well, and are extremely well done in my books. The chorus is good too. The best part is in bar 25. I love how it returns to its roots and plays more of the softer, mellower stuff. All in all, a good song, and keep up the good work!
Andrewbiles
...
Join date: Nov 2001
11,166 IQ
#21
During the intro I was starting to feel that it was going to be horrible, it was sparse and lifeless, but then that riff came in and a smile joined.
Only bit I can remember not enjoying too much was the slight clash of the fading distorted chord (4,5,4,x,x,x) and then the picked part of the 4,4,4,4,6 at the end of the fade.
Other than that though I think you've started on a really good track. Just a shame about the intro.
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HumanitysDeath
UG Board King
Join date: Jun 2004
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#23
Quote by SGxMastodonxSG
I really liked the first verse/preverse, along with the rest of the song. Shows the makings of a good song. The verse reminded me a lot of Atreyu, I dunno if you were going for that or not.

The first or second verse?
Because I know the second first is similar to the intro of "Tulips are Better"
And while I wasn't really going for an Atreyu sound, I do really like their stuff, so I'll take it as a great compliment.
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