This has proven popular elsewhere, thought I'd upload it here.

I wrote it in ten minutes as part of a running joke.


Viva Jihad!

I donned my turban and got on a plane,
I wouldn't be seeing Bin laden again,
I sat down the front, with a bomb strapped on,
I was sat right next to, a viet-kong.
He looked at me and I looked at him,
he said "I hate Americans" and showed a grin.
He lifted up his shirt to reveal what he was packing,
two AK -47s and explosive wrapping .
We jumped to the front and pulled out our guns,
the stewardess shat herself and started to run,
I shot her in the back and she fell to the floor,
The viet-kong shouted “Oh, a brave cunt, any more?”

As we flew towards New York I kicked into the cabin,
the passenger in a wheelchair said “I love you Karen,
Tell the kids daddy loves them, he’s going away,
a paki in a turban is blowing him up today.”
I slapped him in the face, and I took his phone,
I shouted “die ya bastard” and shot him in the dome.
We entered to cockpit, and shot the three pilots,
I looked up ahead and prepared for more violence.

“There’s the twin towers, impressive, ain’t they?”
The viet-man said, I laughed and said “Maybe,
the two tallest buildings in all of the world
will become the biggest shitpiles on the ground.”
The viet-kong man laughed and asked me
“who arranged this?”
I said “Big George Dubya phoned Al-Quaida bases.
He said to fine Osama ‘I’ve got a job for you,
I want you to blow up two planes, the twin towers too.
If we give you exposure you can have a passport,
Straight into America, we’ll teach you the good sports,
of baseball and Football, the real shit with padding man,
you can be our fifty-second state, we’ve always wanted Afghanistan.

We’ll blame Iraqistan so we can claim all their oil.
Bunch of inbred bastards, fresh for the spoils.
We can kill a bunch of civilians, everyone loves a war,
But noone really knows what we’re fighting for.
We’re in Iraq for oil, but we’ll call it “war on terror”,
People will never realise our crucial error.
Osama Bin Laden, from Afghanistan hails,
And that big bastard Saddam is 9 months from jail.

Everybody wins in this event,
Exposure for America and an excuse to vent,
My illiterate Texan rage and launch a few rockets,
Even keep Great Britain in our pockets.
America gets richer, our troops become heroes,
And what’s ten lifes really? What, add on a few zeros?
We’ve killed 3000 people, aw fuck that was stupid.
Still we’ll get some oil, while nobody’s looking.

3000 people died for their countries riches,
Muslim law declares they’ll be greeted by a thousand bitches,
Once they get to Heaven, they’ll forgive old Bush,
It’s lucky God’s’ on our side or I’d be out on my tush.
For God and country, really that’s what these innocents died for.
What the fuck do you mean, What am I telling lies for?”

“Ah, Dubya”, from beyond the grave said the viet-kong,
I wonder if you’ll have to die before realising you’re wrong?
It’s lucky that God’s an expert sniper,
“Head shot! BOOM!” You’re wife better wipe her
Dress cause she’s an alright bitch, her tits are huge,
I know where she’ll be sleeping when she hears the good news.
“What? George is dead? Aw what a shame.
Looks like I’m bunking with you Al Gore, you’re cock’s insane!”

The buildings came crashing, 3000 dead,
And all George Dubya could do was shake his head
And say “Better get to Iraqistan on the double,
Old Saddam’s stuck doon a hole lets make use of the trouble.

So off the troops all go, from the U S of A
Maybe they’ll get lucky and return someday
Unlike many of the young recruits, used like a workhorse,
Only to return from Iraq in a six foot long box.
Last edited by gregorisgod at Nov 27, 2006,
That was the most racist, and... most of the stereotypes in there were completely wrong. Great job, you've successfully offended me.
Quote by punchupatatigge
That was the most racist, and... most of the stereotypes in there were completely wrong. Great job, you've successfully offended me.

Here's the thing. It's satire and sarcasm.

I don't believe these stereotypes and it's not supposed to offend. It's supposed to be a sarcastic look at patriotism, racial stereotyping and conspiracy theories.

Offense is just a wee bonus init.
lol. I'm a bad person, but it made me chuckle a few times.
Way to be creative about this, at the very least. It's soooo much better than those "**** **** **** **** [insert ethnicity group/race/nationality/religious affiliation/sexual orientation here] ****!"

Nice work. In a strange way.
Oh **** you, i've gotta read this to see if its okay to leave up.

If its caused problems before then you should have known it would here. This is closed. And while you meant it tongue in cheek you've done little but make examples of people for what they are.

Consider this a verbal warning, by all means focus on the issues, but avoid the stereotpyes, like "paki".

Next offense you make I'll add this one too.
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.
Last edited by The Hurt Within at Nov 27, 2006,