tabs aint cats
not as dumb as my nick!
Join date: Mar 2005
597 IQ
Ok here we go!
This is my new song, it took a while to write but i think it's really good.
I wanted it to be a little of everything and not just another generic metalcore song.
I wanted to write a real solo (for the first time).
I wanted it to be catchy yet deep.

I dont know if i succeeded tho but thats where you come into the picture!
If someone for some reason want to write drums for the intro it would be greatly appreciated. I've tried several times but failed, something makes it hard to get it right.
also, do you think a bass line would contribute anything to the song? Because I dont feel it would.

Crit 4 crit as always
Thx! now give it a listen!
Epiphone special II
Ibanez RG570
Yamaha C-40
Roland Cube 30
ENGL Fucking Fireball
Framus 2x12 W/V30's

Registered User
Join date: Aug 2005
107 IQ
my god i love it!
member # 1 of the "I LOVE MY CRAFTER" club. pm ME to join!

RHCP_FAN88 wrote:

THERE's some real info! Thanks Asago! Peppers ****ing rule!

Quote by lsatrarcyy
my nylon g string is that wrong?

Quote by schitz
You have a white nylon g-string? That's HOT!
just some guy
Join date: Dec 2003
468 IQ
I liked it. If you're looking to write a bassline, take a look at some In Keeping Secrets of Silent Earth era Coheed and Cambria. Not to steal or rip off, but to get inspiration, since this reminds me of that kind of stuff.
my band is here ------>
Registered User
Join date: Apr 2006
177 IQ
I like it.. I love the way you use mini-dissonance and resolution throughout to create small amounts of tension and release. Two thumbs up. I also like it at about 2:30 or so where it's a bit stripped down and then builds back up. Nice solo, too. A bassline would hold together the bottom some, definitely, and give the song more of a... full-package sound? I don't know how to explain it, but maybe you know what I mean. Great job. I'm only going off the MIDI, so sorry I couldn't be more specific.

Crit mine?
Member #4 of the "I have parents over 50 and i'm a teen" club, pm tanglewoodguit to join.
Join date: Dec 2006
197 IQ
I liked the Awesome Riff a lot. The verses we're ok, and chorus was good. Breakdown was good too, but the transition to chorus was bad. Post- and pre-solos were great too. Solo pt. 1 was ok, but solo pt. 2 was great. The transition to to the outro was rather bad, but the outro itself was good.

All in all, the song was very good. I don't think the intro needs drums at all. Also, I think a bassline could be good, but I don't think it's a must.

Mind critting mine?
tabs aint cats
not as dumb as my nick!
Join date: Mar 2005
597 IQ
Thx for crits!
You have good taste Asago

just some guy: Never heard of those bands but I'll check them out. thx!

altosaxgeek: full-pckage sound.. i kinda get your point. I'll see if I can make something about the bass tomorrow. btw, i have a fender les paul lying around! you can take it for free

Fama: Yeah I'm working on my transitions but alot of it is becouse I use alot of diffrent BPMs throughout the song(maybe it's just to complex for it's own good) witch makes it hard to make the transitions feel smooth. I'm getting better at it song by song tho!

keep it coming guys! like it? hate it? love it? tell me!
Epiphone special II
Ibanez RG570
Yamaha C-40
Roland Cube 30
ENGL Fucking Fireball
Framus 2x12 W/V30's

Join date: Apr 2004
1,449 IQ
That was brilliant, I loved the last solo. Some parts I got a bit lost in the rhythm but other than that it is very well done.
Resident Beast Man
Join date: Nov 2006
44 IQ
awesome dude, really good.

The only thing i wasnt into was the break down... just didnt click with me.

Also, on a mechanics side, there are some spots in the drum line where the drummer would have to have 4 arms... because youre hitting 2 toms and 2 cymbals at the same time. But other than that, nothing negative to say. Solos are awesome, riffs are cool.
Registered User
Join date: Dec 2006
21 IQ
Nice dude! pretty good (so far)
add some carzy shit like a harmonized solo are somethin
tabs aint cats
not as dumb as my nick!
Join date: Mar 2005
597 IQ
ctf: Yeah I know it can be a little disorienting when you change from a 3 4/4(or 2 3/2) bar riff to a 4 4/4 bar riff (I dont know if thats what its called but I hope you know what I mean) but after the first few bars it should be alright.

ikedawg: My drummer is just faster than time(and if he need an extra arm he'll just use his middle leg)! I'm glad you liked it!

bernasch: hehe I'll save that for my next song
Epiphone special II
Ibanez RG570
Yamaha C-40
Roland Cube 30
ENGL Fucking Fireball
Framus 2x12 W/V30's

Registered User
Join date: Mar 2006
1,208 IQ
First off, you can tell you actually put time in effort into this song, by looking at everything you have done. Also, for the intro, IMO you should add strings or some synths to create a way of drawing in the listener. I think the verse could use some work though, the leads is not very appealing to me, and the same for the chorus, with the octaves being played. I think the Punky riff should be taken out or changed because it just doesn't go with this and is quite random. Overall, it's a good song and with a little more work it could be even better. | Rush Hour | Dead Format
Quote by HxC73107
pray for plagues or off the heezay by bring me the horizon both great songs specially when ur at a pit at trhe reall show
The Black Mage
Join date: Oct 2006
997 IQ
That poem was a good one Very good harmonizing there, you make same style of music as I. I loved the avesome riff too, very progressive song.

Schecter Hellraiser C-1
ENGL Thunder 50 E322
Framus 2x12 Cab
Yamaha HS50M

Founder of Opeth Fans Group
Registered User
Join date: Jul 2006
244 IQ
dude that was really really good. great composition. its really apparent that you know alot about music. i loved the solo by the way. and the harmonies were perfect. great job.
Ibanez RGA 121
Ibanez RG3EX1
Some sort of Marshall Stack
Ibanez Weeping Demon
Little POD thing

Plagued Paradise
UG Spammer
Join date: Apr 2004
1,301 IQ
It needs a Bassline

I didn't really like the first 16 bars but after that it's better

The pre-verse/verse is awful

The chorus is cool

The drum beat during the 3/2 bit nice but the guitar sounds like a complete rip off of something...not sure what though

Your solo is meh, nothing really interesting about it

the Pt2 of the solo is very nice though
tabs aint cats
not as dumb as my nick!
Join date: Mar 2005
597 IQ
Chris & GiantRaven: well first of all, tha verse riff doesn't have any leads. It's split up on different tracks so that I can adjust the pan and so that it would be easier to play. I knew it wouldan't be a highlight of the song but they do their part fot the song and are essential for some of the better riffs. Some like it, some dont but thanks for sharing your opinion.

About the Punky riff. I dont think it's a rip off but I dont know as I dont listen to punk music. It's a generic chord proggression but I think is a plesant surprise and adds some variation to the song.

I'll think about that string ensemble you spoke about chris. it might work well.

See solo pt1 and pt.2 as one solo.. I know pt.1 sucks but I think pt.2 makes up for it.

BIG thx to GiantRaven, Chris 122, Hypetreme and Bodomizer
Epiphone special II
Ibanez RG570
Yamaha C-40
Roland Cube 30
ENGL Fucking Fireball
Framus 2x12 W/V30's

UG's Ultimate Carcass Fan
Join date: Nov 2006
551 IQ
pretty friggin awesome. needs bass tho. sounds really dragonforce/a7x. keep up the hard work.
Quote by MightyAl
I lean towards Butthole Surfers because only a butthole would carry a surfboard around a town.

Teh Gearz:

Cruiser Stratocaster
Feng Ling G15 Amplifier
Digitech Grunge Pedal
Daphon E20PH Phaser Pedal
Resident Beast Man
Join date: Nov 2006
44 IQ
Something like this for the intro drums?
Ibanez Xiphos 7 String
Carvin V3 Head
Randall RH300G3
Randall 2x12-1x15 Straight Cab
Randall 4x12 V30's Angles Cab
I fly like paper
Join date: Jun 2005
607 IQ
THe intro sounds a lot like something Coheed could have done from back in In Keeping SEcrets, minus the drums of course.the main thing that makes this song metal is the drums. needs bass. some of it sounds like coheed, thats alright cause i love Coheed.
UG Member
Join date: Dec 2006
577 IQ
Yea I agree it sounds very much like Coheed the intro is basically "The Crowing" with the end changed. I do however really like the pre-solo and the solo is pretty good.
Fatt Sorum
UG's Resident Emo
Join date: Oct 2005
819 IQ
It's great, there ain't that much to crit, except the punky riff isn't too good compared to the rest, as metioned above.

Meh, good song
Quote by JoNnHannah
I'm homeschooled because I got tired of the corporate conformist administration.

So I have a pretty crime free school, unless i decide to kill someone.

The Search [GP5] C4C
Registered User
Join date: Dec 2006
225 IQ
The intro is ok, well, better than ok, but ok compared to the rest :P Not too keen on the verse and punk riff parts... But the rest of the song is amazing! The awesome riff is fine, I really love the beat of it, choruses are great, pre/poststuff is great, and the solo pt. 2 is awesome! Part 1 could use a more exploding beginning, but it's fine anyway. Finally, the outro is as great as the rest :P Keep on rocking, and make sure you tell me when your next song is out

Oh, and thanks for the crit on mine :P

[EDIT]Glömde nästan det bästa av allt ihop... Gitarrslingorna! Älskar dom! :P [/EDIT]
Last edited by Tuneman at Jan 2, 2007,
Join date: Nov 2006
3,497 IQ
I realy loved the part when the song started to fade out and then a cool riff started to come in.
Alltought the part when everything stopped for a while and it started again wasnt very cool.
The solo could be a bit more complicated.
I loved the acoustic thingy at the end nice ending
Got any lyrics for this ?

Probably not your style but check out mine :
Registered User
Join date: Jul 2006
238 IQ
YEah umm the punky riff kind of doesn't fit, the chords in the intro were pretty well chosen so i don't know what happend with the punky riff it basically sounds like greenday came on when you were writing and you just whacked it in there but it stands out because mostly the rest is pretty good. The solo is very long. But im not big on solos so that might be just me.

Anyway crit mine. Theres 4.