#1
VERSE ONE
what would you say you did for me?
nothing I could recall.
I let the spirits free and brought you home
and you just watched me fall...

CHORUS
what would you say you did for me?
nothing I can recall.
I gave you loe and made you warm
and now I'm forced to make you dead.

VERSE TWO
All the knives waiting for you.
a million throats to cut.
to watch you fall and bleed infront of me
nothing could please my eyes more.
I'll stab you twice.
then tuck you in.
and stab you 100 times more!

CHORUS
what would you say you did for me?
nothing I can recall.
I gave you loe and made you warm
and now I'm forced to make you dead.

VERSE THREE
a poisonous kiss to bring me down.
pulling you down too.
you stabbed me once.
I'll stab you twice.
you want ever get away.
how could you do this to me?
what came over you?
but now...I'm forced to make you dead!


This is a speed metal song, more guitar than words of course but it's about a young warrior *metaphor for me in a broken home* who has just been betrayed by somone he loved and cared for and how it changed his love to hate..so any crits or advice is appreciated.
#2
Hmm, it was intresting...I was, honestly, confused as hell reading through it...

I think that the the first verse is to...bland it needs more description, you could of done so much with it...the verse is to short and needs to be more...I understand its a speed metal song...but look at it like this...you have to be able to catch the listeners attention and if you dont then well, its just a song with music and no lyrics.

The chorus....to me is ehh dissapointing.

In all you could of done a better job to be honest, not trynig to be mean, i like the idea...and i'll give it to you metaphors are diffucult...really difficult to make a whole song out of...

Revise it, give more time, think deeply about it, I mean if your gonna use a warrior...I'd think it'd be good to have it start at the beginning of the warriors life and go on...and go straight to the point you got hurt then explain the feelings and what you did...

I hope i helped a little. Crit mine please...enjoy