#1
Hmm so heres the story I picked up the guitar pressed the record button and this is what I came up with, it was made right on the spot. I'm not trying to sound cool just telling the truth. Due to the fact that this was made on the spot using my computers crappy internal mic the song is not up to par ... or anywhere near it. HOWEVer this is something I want to work on, this might be my last post until late feburary partly because I think I need a break ( and have posted to much)

Anything at all will be helpful, even things you think i should add change blah
Course Crit for crit thanks for reading.

The song is the last one on My music myspace

Where I am I
I can’t stand this
every day i can see it in their eyes
One day I’ll wake up
One day we’ll wake up

Because im just a soul in this little world trying to get by and dont know how
and it seems so hard sometimes
I think if i carry on will these people view me like as if I’m strong
I know im weak buckeling at my knees
how long can i force this image

(chorus?)
My voice is weak
And my words are cheap
Oh sad guitar please sing for me
These chords that I feel
Are they true?
And can they mean something?
Smile alot today... okay?
Last edited by Sumthing Catchy at Jan 4, 2007,
#2
Quote by Sumthing Catchy
Hmm so heres the story I picked up the guitar pressed the record button and this is what I came up with, it was made right on the spot. I'm not trying to sound cool just telling the truth. Due to the fact that this was made on the spot using my computers crappy internal mic the song is not up to par ... or anywhere near it. HOWEVer this is something I want to work on, this might be my last post until late feburary partly because I think I need a break ( and have posted to much)

Anything at all will be helpful, even things you think i should add change blah
Course Crit for crit thanks for reading.

The song is the last one on My music myspace

Where I am I
I can’t stand this
every day i can see it in their eyes
One day I’ll wake up
One day we’ll wake up

Reminds me of like.. Dave Mustain being booted from Metallica for some reason. Pretty cool though.

Because im just a soul in this little world trying to get by and dont know how
and it seems so hard sometimes
I think if i carry on will these people view me like as if I’m strong
I know im weak buckeling at my knees
how long can i force this image

This is alright, I don't like it as much as the other two parts. Could use some stronger words.

(chorus?)
My voice is weak
And my words are cheap
Oh sad guitar please sing for me
These chords that I feel
Are they true?
And can they mean something?

I like the idea of your guitar being your voice.. but I don't see a real connection with the rest of the song.


Pretty good though.. c4c?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=498178
#3
One main piece of advice I would give would be to specify on the meaning of the song. It seems to vague to me. One way to do that would be to add more imagery and go for stronger verbs. I really like the last verse, I suggest working from that and add more content, it seems to be lacking someting. Otherwise, great job, man.
Cause I love feelin' dirty
And I love feelin' cheap
And I love it when you hurt me
So drive those staples deep
#4
You have a really good voice. Just reading it would be a little boring but the actual song sounds great despite quality of course. This was made on the spot? Wow. That makes it even more impressive. One thing though I think it would be a lot catchier if the chorus was a little faster and the lines were sang right after the other. I mean like when you sing "oh sad guitar please sing for me" it sounds like it should come instantly after my words are cheap without the guitar in between. Great job though.

Crit mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=497187
#5
Where I am I
I can’t stand this
every day i can see it in their eyes
One day I’ll wake up
One day we’ll wake up

I liked this one. A solid beginning I think. Might want to switch out some of the "I can't stand this" though, i've just heard it a bunch. Although its good.

Because im just a soul in this little world trying to get by and dont know how
and it seems so hard sometimes
I think if i carry on will these people view me like as if I’m strong
I know im weak buckeling at my knees
how long can i force this image

Contrary to the first poster, this was probably my favorite stanza. Seems very fragile, and i love the use of "buckeling".

My voice is weak
And my words are cheap
Oh sad guitar please sing for me
These chords that I feel
Are they true?
And can they mean something?

I love the "these chords that i feel" part. Really makes the guitar kind of an extension. Maybe you could make this stanza even better by switching out some more often used words?
Overall, I enjoyed it. Its my kind of writing, i think. Very fun to read, i thought. Made up on the spot aswell...thats magnificent!
Crit me please? Check my sig.
#6
I think it's time I made this less vauge.

This song is basically about being down on myself, it's the truth my friends beleive that I have a good voice and that when I try I can do beautiful stuff but I think otherwise. I fell like everything I write is the plastic form of every one else's problems. it's also about how my friends ask me how I am always happy when it is quite evident in this song that is not always so. The song of course is not finished I want to add piano to it and record it a heck alot better than what I did. Thank you everyone who commented I'm preety sure I got to everyones stuff.
Smile alot today... okay?