#1
THE DANGERS OF BREAD

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread eaters.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever and influenza ravaged whole nations.
4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!
6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low occurrence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease and osteoporosis.
7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after only two days.
8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter and even cold cuts.
9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread restrictions:

1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. No advertising of bread within 1000 feet of a school.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. A $4.2 zillion fine on the three biggest bread manufacturers.

Yes yes, dear Americans, you heard it here first.
#2
ZOMG

/kill self
Guitar rig
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Mesa 50/50 Power Amp
Avatar G212H 2x12 Cab

Synth Rig
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FL Studio 8
#3
I like potato bread
Quote by caughtinamosh
i despise them... i don't understand why 4 inches is small for a penis, but long for hair
oh, how i wish i could reverse that


Quote by Chimaira
Some britsih guy said "Good Game" to me, and I thought he said "Your Gay". It was pretty funny.
#5


Edit: I'm in hckychsdude's sig? Sweet.
Quote by GiantRaven
I'm sure theres a Nigerian king just waiting for you to reply to his email
#10
Quote by PsychoKNTX
you spent time writing this?

You spent time reading it?
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#11
sweet.
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#12
You forgot that Bread is also the beginning of germ warfare, if you don't watch it, it will infect your whole neighborhood!
#13
Don't Breath OXYGEN!

100% of bad things happen during the consumption of oxygen

BE AWARE! BE SAFE!

lol
Last edited by TonyRandall at Jan 5, 2007,
#16
Also, dont exist. Bad things will happen to you if you exist..
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#17
Quote by lateraluspiral
Also, dont exist. Bad things will happen to you if you exist..

Yeah...but you better not kill yourself. Because 100% of suicides are simaltaneous with death.
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#18
Quote by Black Star


omg funny shat

I buy my bread and I prefer potato bread has more carbs and protein
Quote by caughtinamosh
i despise them... i don't understand why 4 inches is small for a penis, but long for hair
oh, how i wish i could reverse that


Quote by Chimaira
Some britsih guy said "Good Game" to me, and I thought he said "Your Gay". It was pretty funny.
#20
Quote by the_experience
Yeah...but you better not kill yourself. Because 100% of suicides are simaltaneous with death.


Oh no! What is there to be done to stop this atrocity?
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#21
Quote by TonyRandall
Don't Breath OXYGEN!

100% of bad things happen during the consumption of oxygen

actually, breathing oxygen is the one of the causes of aging.
#23
Quote by GiantRaven


THIEF!


dude i typed it first

lol, i wass to lazy to click the quote button, but i thought i put it in ""..
#27
Quote by TonyRandall
dude i typed it first

lol, i wass to lazy to click the quote button, but i thought i put it in ""..

Congratulations, you're a fag!
#28
Quote by GiantRaven
Congratulations, you're a fag!


BURN!! OHHHH!! ZING!!!

but good article. You should write in the editorials in the newspaper.
Quote by funkdaddyfresh
justin, that was easily the most inspiring, helpful piece of advice anyone has ever given me in regards to my musical pursuits.


Screaming Help
#29
Quote by GiantRaven
Congratulations, you're a fag!


That was uncalled for, GiantRaven. Everyone makes mistakes.
But I wont hold it against you, GiantRaven.
I know that deep in your deep, deep, deep, evil, deep heart you have a soul too.
And I loves you for it.
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#30
Quote by lateraluspiral
That was uncalled for, GiantRaven.


No it wasn't

I know that deep in your deep, deep, deep, evil, deep heart you have a soul too.
And I loves you for it.


Awww shucks
#31
Erm, before you give me too much credit here - I was just shown this by a friend of mine. He may have typed it himself, or gotten it from somewhere else. To be honest, I don't know where it's origins lie.

I just find it hilarious.
#32
Quote by GiantRaven

Awww shucks


I just realized that I said you have a heart in your soul.
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#33
Quote by TonyRandall
dude i typed it first

lol, i wass to lazy to click the quote button, but i thought i put it in ""..



Wait, you were too lazy to hit a button, but not too lazy to type out an entire few sentences?
#34
Quote by stringmagician
Wait, you were too lazy to hit a button, but not too lazy to type out an entire few sentences?

Pfft, he just copied a few sentences I wrote above
#35
My history teacher said this same thing to my class except he didn' say bread he said c6 h12 o6 and afterwards he got almost everone in the class (except for me and like three other people who knew that actually was) to sign a petition banning it, the he told the class that c6 h12 o6 is the chemical formula for glucose (thats sugar), he said it was to show how ignorant we are and how we can be lied to so easily or somthing lol
I got bored of my old sig
#36
lAwlZ ZOMG!! tEh bReD iZ gUnNa rApE uS!!!2
Quote by Draken
that 0/10 was for gonzo slash, i despise him.
N.W.A Is Fucking Up The Program
Co-Leader Of The League Of Toxicity33, Kankuro And Dr. Gonzo Slash
Quote by OneHappyCamper


Gonzo, you're a cool dude.