#1
Just lookin for some feedback on a couple of songs i wrote. Alot of this is really distubing and de rived form random things noted in perentasies beside the name


Song Name:
"My king is come"(the bible

Verse 1:
the evils of our world
are washed away by the son
with the blackness now gone
in his light we move forward
Upon my darkest night
he in his beutiful might
took my blackend soul
into his holy light
my king is come

Chourus:
Our world would still be lost
without the light of the son
for now my king is come
and i'll see his will done

Verse 2:
the comdamnations of hell
are lost in his bowl
where my king comes
evil's bell tolls
Their dark prince
will flee to the pit
as his loving light
gives the blind sight
my king is come

Chourus:
Our world would still be lost
without the light of the son
for now my king is come
and i'll see his will done

Verse 3:
at their life's end
he saves the condemed
all those we reject for their sins
need only to repent to be with him
those who live in sin
he will welcome in
giving no sentence
he accepts all pentince
my king is come

"FOR MY DAHLIA"(this true crime storie i read)


As the banshee swallows up the night
to your throat goes my knife
I hear weeping serhephs above
at least you'll live on my blackened dove
I'm sorry but it ends tonight my love

What has he done
Where have you gone
he ripped you away (from me)
He dies to ****in day(his corpse ill see)

As the blackened blood of ages was drunk in by the ground
The beloved mother fell from my arms down
In my dark embrace her final sleep was found
and I swear by my rent heart
I'll tear that ****in beast apart

What has he done
Where have you gone
he ripped you away (from me)
He dies to ****in day(his corpse ill see)


Every dark story has a twisted end
but none with this can contened
she was murdered by an inside friend
the only way for it to end
is a bullet in my head

What has he done
Where have you gone
he ripped you away (from me)
He dies to ****in day(his corpse ill see)


"Bleak Nothing"(a poem my friend wrote [most of the word are his but i edited some to make it a bit flowing])
Song

Verse 1
The sarrow is worse now
then it was Before
confuses me as to
What i am to become
it rips my mind away
I'll never see that which matters
to me

Chorus
I Feel the blood run down my face
I smile as it pools on the floor
I don't know how i didn't see it
From the Signs that came before

Verse 2
i don't blame this worlds god
I don't blame my father
my brother,my sister
my mother,for the beast
Now at the fore
Chorus
I Feel the blood run down my face
I smile as it pools on the floor
I don't know how i didn't see it
From the Signs that came before

Verse 3
only in me i place faith
i mourn not for my lose
bleak nothing all i see
i stare at the black mirror
my dreams are shown in there
and there is bleak nothing

Chorus
I Feel the blood run down my face
I smile as it pools on the floor
I don't know how i didn't see it
From the Signs that came before

Outro
I stare into the blackness, wondering how long till it consumes me.

Like i said Just lookin for some feedback
Thnx alot guys.
Last edited by Deathovdishonor at Jan 5, 2007,
#2
I'm no expert on S&L but these parts could use improvement IMO:

"My Kind is Come"
Verse 1:
"in his light we move forward"

Chorus:
"without the light of the son"

Verse 3:
"giving no sentence
he accepts all pentince"
#3
Verse 3:
at their life's end
he saves the condemed
all those we reject for their sins
need only to repent to be with him
those who live in sin
he will welcome in
my king is come


Little Better?