#1
Crit 4 Crit


Look at my eyes
Dive into the placid pools of glass
Look upon the world from a
Different past

Open your eyes
Open your arms
Hold tight to what belongs

Don't let go of what you want
Or it'l get away

The ship sails out of the harbor
You leave the girl to the master
Say good bye to your loving maid
You'll never see her land again!

Open your eyes
Open your arms
Hold tight to what belongs

Don't leave your lover behind
Or your love will die
When you close your eyes...
#2
Look at my eyes
Dive into the placid pools of glass
Look upon the world from a
Different past

Man that metaphor in the second line is so original it is insane. Great job. I would, in my opinion, change the first line to "walk up to my eyes"

Open your eyes
Open your arms
Hold tight to what belongs

The first two lines are good, but that last line just doesn't seem to fit with them, to me. I'm just thinking and i think you need to add the word "on" right after "hold"

Don't let go of what you want
Or it'l get away

Good in my eyes.

The ship sails out of the harbor
You leave the girl to the master
Say good bye to your loving maid
You'll never see her land again!

I also like the way this part is. Not sure if the whole scene built up compliments with the rest of the song, but i think it is good anyway.

Open your eyes
Open your arms
Hold tight to what belongs

Same as the first one.

Don't leave your lover behind
Or your love will die
When you close your eyes...

I really like how you came back to the eye part that you started out with in the intro. It just made it end so nicely.

Well good job on this song. What type of song is it by the way, a heavier one, or a slower type acoustic song? Oh, mine is on the bottom of my sig if you get time.
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#3
the first stanza was by far the best. the others weren't as good. actually they were kind of disappointing. you should try to write them up to the standard you had set in the first stanza
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