#1
Hey, new song here. looking for a crit for crit if thats cool. The title is from George Orwell's 1984 (there is another bit in here from that too, see if anyone notices it), but it is kinda my own interpretation of that phrase. And no, it is not meant to be an anti-war song. Merely observational.


War is peace
It’s a state of mind
If you delve deeper
You would find
Black beast within
Under the skin

Such is life
That only through death
Can we feel alive
So our breath
As cold as ice
The Killer’s device

War is Peace
War is Peace
Regardless of ideal
Regardless of belief

War is Peace
War is Peace
Your beliefs and ideals
Evermore trampled beneath

Can’t deny
What it makes you feel
When the blood flows red
Off the steel
That’s through your soul
Makes you whole

Smile on lips
That kiss the reaper
So as to waken
The sleeper
Violent from his slumber
Has your number

War is Peace
War is Peace
Regardless of ideal
Regardless of belief


War is Peace
War is Peace
Your beliefs and ideals
For that there is no need

War is peace
War is unwar
Black is white
All is gray
Nothing is
So feed it
Feed it
Feed the beast

(main instrumental section)


There is no peace

Peace on the outside
War within

When war surrounds
At peace
at last
again
#2
i think you should get rid of the verses after the "main instrumental section" because it becomes a little repetitive, and i think it would end better with the other stanza.

War is Peace
War is Peace
Regardless of ideal
Regardless of belief

this was probably my favorite stanza out of this song. the other "War is peace" stanza (the one after this) wasn't, in my opinion, as good.

my main problems with this are that the rhyming is rather bland and predictable and that nothing new was really said (or something stated in a new way). if i were you, i would use correct punctuation to avoid misreadings.

high points are the fact that you 1984... good book. i think you should edit this because it has potential. try describing what you want to say in a more original way and don't worry about rhyming so much.

good job
#3
Yeah I can definitely see where you are coming from. I have this bad habit of just wanting things to rhyme. Honestly not to sure why. Most of te music I listen to isn't like that. Thanks alot for the crit. I Appreciate it
#4
This is actually really good. I love it when people get inspiration from books. Good job, Just controll the rhyming. Keep it up. The first three stanzas were excellent. Great job. Definetly edit this.