#1
Sun shines, I can't see the sky
Turns out 40 years, I've been blind
I was misinformed of this disability
I'm not sick, beleive me

You cut off all the water flow to the city
and you've turned off all the stars that looked pretty
You turned off the ambient glow,
Pack your things, its time to go.

So this is it? I'm stuck in darkness?
I refuse to lose, I won't be beaten
I'll see the things, I want to see,
Don't tell the mayor, but this city, is coming to be,
Something beautiful

Wind blows, and I can't hear it.
Turns out 43 years, I've been deaf
I was misinformed of my disability
I'm not sick, beleive me


You cut off all the water flow to the city
and you've turned off all the stars that looked pretty
You turned off the ambient glow,
Pack your things, its time to go.

So this is it? I'm stuck in darkness?
I refuse to lose, I won't be beaten
I'll see the things, I want to see,
Don't tell the mayor, but this city, is coming to be,
Something beautiful

Something beautiful,
Something beautiful,
Something beautiful
Some-thing-beautiful
"The Day that I die is the day that I shut my mouth and put down my guitar" - Bradley Nowell of Sublime

R.I.P- 1996
#2
ok i am gonna give u a detail crit

Sun shines, I can't see the sky
Turns out 40 years, I've been blind
I was misinformed of this disability
I'm not sick, beleive me

i st verse is good but not best

You cut off all the water flow to the city
and you've turned off all the stars that looked pretty
You turned off the ambient glow,
Pack your things, its time to go.


this verse i liked alot ,almost falled in love with it but last line is bit weak as compared to whole verse i really loved

and you've turned off all the stars that looked pretty
rest was good also but try to change the last line pack ur things... i mean


So this is it? I'm stuck in darkness?
I refuse to lose, I won't be beaten try changng beaten to eaten just a suggestion
I'll see the things, I want to see,
Don't tell the mayor, but this city, is coming to be,
nice line comparison was good

Something beautiful

Wind blows, and I can't hear it.
Turns out 43 years, I've been deaf
I was misinformed of my disability
I'm not sick, beleive me


You cut off all the water flow to the city
and you've turned off all the stars that looked pretty
You turned off the ambient glow,
Pack your things, its time to go.

So this is it? I'm stuck in darkness?
I refuse to lose, I won't be beaten
I'll see the things, I want to see,
Don't tell the mayor, but this city, is coming to be,
Something beautiful

Something beautiful,
Something beautiful,
Something beautiful
Some-thing-beautiful

trey avoiding repetition
__________________
"The Day that I die is the day that I shut my mouth and put down my guitar" - Bradley Nowell of Sublime

R.I.P- 1996


try adding many of the verse talk about same thing . i hope i have helped u.

other than that i feel a bit of more effort and this piece can go long way


if u can crit on my new song "Heart break remedies" if u can its in my sign
Hi